Page 103 of Yours and Mine (Friends with Benefits)

“Carter? Can you ask my father to bring Mackenzie here?”

“Already did. They’ll be here in half an hour.”

“Okay. I think I’ll close my eyes for a moment.”

“Sure. Take as long as you need, Jo. I’ll be here. I promise.”

I remembered Nick made a promise to me too — that he would come back. He broke it, and he broke my heart. I missed him with my whole body, inside and out. I lost my best friend and the father of my child, who didn’t even know that he had a child. I wished he at least had known her. Maybe if he had, he wouldn’t have left. Part of me hated him for that and another part would love him forever for the most beautiful gift he’d given me: a daughter.

Chapter 24

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and months turned into years: three years, to be exact. It had been three years since, along with Mackenzie, I had moved into Carter’s house, and four years since I’d found out about Nick’s death. I wish I could say it was easier now, and maybe on some level it was, because of Mackenzie, but when she wasn’t around, in the darkest hours of the night, I always felt like I was living a nightmare.

Today was a long day of filling new orders, so I’d been up since four in the morning and missed kissing Mackenzie when she got up. She was spending today with Carter, who had a day off. I didn’t leave the bakery until six o’clock, and I usually liked to get home earlier so that I could spend time with my daughter. I mean, she was always over at the bakery, mixing something with Grandma, but it wasn’t the same. When it was just the two of us, plus Carter of course, I felt complete.

On my way home, I bumped into my duo at Mrs. Gladstone’s ranch. I leaned against the gate and watched Mackenzie ride Tank. Given that we lived right beside Mrs. Gladstone’s ranch, Mackenzie and the cows there had become quite close — especially when she fed them my cupcakes over our backyard fence. The bull that had been born on the same day as my daughter was fully grown now.

She squealed and laughed as he paced, led by Carter. Sometimes Tank jumped a little, as if he knew it would make Mackenzie giggle. I waved to her when she saw me, and they came over to the gate.

“Hi, baby. Are you being careful with Tank?” I asked Mackenzie, but I was looking directly at Carter.

She nodded, leaning down to give me a kiss while keeping her upper body firmly on Tank.

“I promise we’re being safe,” Carter said.

“Because you know that Tank has a temper sometimes.” While it had been fun for Mackenzie to ride Betsy’s calf when he was younger, I was afraid she’d fall off the beast someday, or worse. In spite of his temper, though, when he was around Mackenzie, he was as gentle as a lamb.

“It’s okay, Mamma. Tank and I are buddies.”

Maybe it was time to think about pre-school more seriously. Up until now, Mackenzie’s days had been spent at the bakery. She was quickly becoming a good baker, too, though she was also sassy with our clients. Her over-confidence and positivity reminded me of Nick. I wondered whether she needed more interaction with kids her own age.

“Will you be long?” I asked.

“Another half hour, maybe.”

“I might take a quick nap.”

“Take your time. Dinner’s in the warming drawer.”

“Thank you.” I leaned over and kissed Carter on his cheek. Mackenzie leaned down off Tank and gave me a kiss as well, saying, “Come on, Tank. I know you can gallop.”

I mouthednoto Carter. There was no way that I wanted Mackenzie to be galloping on a bull. He winked at me, understanding my fear.

Tired, I walked home. It smelled like spaghetti and meatballs, but I had no strength to eat. And once I sat down on the couch, I couldn’t move. My muscles were aching in all the wrong places. I pulled a blanket on top of me and laid down. I must have dozed off because the next thing I knew I heard happy screams and splashes from the back yard. Carter had a pool installed the year before, and splashing around had quickly become one of Mackenzie’s favorite activities. I stood up and wrapped a blanket around my body before stepping outside. Mackenzie was in the shallow end of Carter’s pool, squirting water through a bottle right onto Carter’s face, while he pretended that he was drowning. She was laughing so hard that her little belly was shaking. Having never met her father, I had no doubt that she’d have a void in her heart for the rest of her life, but at least she’d never feel the loss of such a wonderful man like Nick. Maybe this was better. Perhaps having a positive male role model like Carter was better than mourning someone you loved with your soul.

I stepped over the patio stones and pulled out a chair. It squeaked as I sat down, drawing Mackenzie’s attention toward me.

“Mamma, come swim!”

I waved. “It’s getting a little late, isn’t it? You’re going to turn into a raisin.”

Mackenzie laughed, completely ignoring me, “Look! I can almost swim.” She flapped her arms back and forth over the water while walking on the pool steps. She still wasn’t too comfortable in the shallow end on her own. Mackenzie was shorter than most kids her age, which meant that she took her height from my side, not Nick’s. “And Uncle Carter told me that he’d teach me how to swim for reals.”

Each time I heard her sayfor reals, it reminded me of Nick. Goosebumps covered my arms.

“You’re a natural swimmer, Mac. I know you can do it,” Carter encouraged, supporting her body above the water.

Just like her father.

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