Page 102 of Yours and Mine (Friends with Benefits)

When she tired out and Marge took her upstairs to shower, I quietly left the house to go for a walk that led me all the way to Pebble Beach, the same spot where I’d made love to Nick for the first time.

Moments later, I heard crunching footsteps over the pebbles, but I didn’t turn around. Instead, for that brief moment, I allowed myself to pretend they were Nick’s.

“Jo, you can’t lock all these emotions you’re feeling away. It’s wrong.” Carter sat down beside me.

“It was wrong for Nick to leave me, and he did.” I stood up and walked along the shore, away from Carter.

“Jo, you need to talk to someone.” Of course he followed me.

“Leave me alone, Carter.”

“You need to tell them how hurt you are.”

“I said, just leave me alone!”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that, Jo.”

“Why? Why can’t you just go back to your stupid garage and let me be?”

“Because I made a promise to my best friend that I’d take care of you if something happened. And I’m not going to break that promise.”

I turned around to face him.

“Well, fuck you! And fuck Nick and his empty promises!” I punched his chest with my fist. Although my strike was hard, Carter barely flinched. “He left me! He left us, and I’ll never forgive him for leaving and dying! His daughter will never get to know her father, and I’ll never have the love of my life back!” I was screaming at the top of my lungs, crying big ugly tears, but Carter came closer again, so I punched him again. “I told him not to leave, and he still left!”

“Let it out, Jo. Let it all out!”

“Ahh!” I was slapping him so hard, now using both palms onto his full chest, that my hands were beginning to hurt. He finally grasped my wrists and pulled me into his body, holding tight. My violent sobs continued as he slowly lowered us to the ground, cradling me against him, smoothing my hair and kissing the top of my head.

“I’m sorry, Jo. I’m so sorry for your loss, baby.”

“He left me.” My words were quieter. I’d just used all the strength I had to let out the anger, and I didn’t have an ounce of fight left inside me. My whole body was trembling with loss. He rocked me in his arms, never letting go, and whispering, “I’m sorry.”

I don’t know how long we sat like this, but I didn’t want to get up; yet somehow we ended up at Carter’s house. Carter laid me on his couch and covered me with a blanket. He called my father and Marge, and then made me tea.

“I don’t want to go back to that house.” I sighed. “It hurts too much. Everything reminds me of Nick.”

“You can stay here for as long as you want. Both you and Mackenzie.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I know you know what it feels like to lose someone you love,” I whispered.

“I do.”

“But with Nick, it was just different. He was my life.”

“I know, Jo. I know. You feel like no one understands what you’re going through. You feel lost. You don’t want to live.”

My head flew up, for the first time in a year finding understanding in someone else’s eyes.

“But you survived.”

“I did, and so will you. I’ll make sure you’ll survive because that’s who you are. You’re a survivor, and you have a beautiful girl waiting at home for you.”

I smiled. Mackenzie was beautiful. Marge said that she was a mini me.

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