Page 100 of Yours and Mine (Friends with Benefits)

She has my curly hair, although the curls are still short. She looks like a little Shirley Temple but with brown hair, like mine. And she has my freckles. There are only a few for now but I’m sure more will sprinkle her face as she grows up. Oh, and did I mention her cute little teeth? They’re adorable. She’s adorable.

She now calls me Mama and she can say Dada as well. Apparently that’s early for a one-year-old. She babbles a lot and I’m pretty sure that she thinks she’s having a conversation with us when she does. I’ve been showing her your pictures so that she recognizes you when you come back. Carter’s frustrated that she can’t say his name just yet, but he’s been persistent. She definitely knows how to say “moo” but that’s probably because we visit Betsy and her calf often. Tank is not so little anymore, but Mackenzie is in love with him. Mrs. Gladstone says that she’ll keep him for breeding because he’s so big and Duke is getting old.

It feels like Mackenzie’s changing every day and growing up so quickly. Dad’s been filming her do…. well, pretty much everything. But you’ll be back soon to see it for yourself. Sending you Mackenzie’s sweet baby kisses.

Love always,

Joelle and Mackenzie

For the first of May, the day was perfect. Little did I know, it would be a day I’d remember for the rest of my life. It was Sunday morning, and I’d just gotten Mackenzie into her new dress. She was walking now, no longer wobbly, and she’d even taken a few of her first runs.

“This is the dress you should wear when daddy comes home,” I said to myself. “But then again, you’ll grow out of it in two months.

“Joelle, give Mackenzie to me.” My father was looking out the window.

I stopped combing her hair and looked up to my father’s concerned face.

“Dad, she’s not done—”

“Honey, give her to me right now. I’m going to take her to the back yard. You stay here with Marge. Come on, sweetheart, let’s see if Grandpa can find a special cupcake and a Freezie for you.”

“Walter? What’s going on?” Marge asked, and then she looked out the window. Her face went pale white, and I wondered what she saw that scared the living ghost out of her.

As soon as my father disappeared, tears spilled out of Marge’s eyes.

“Marge? What’s the matter?”

She didn’t say anything, only brought me to her body and squeezed me so hard that I thought she’d break a rib or two. “You need to stay strong for your daughter, do you understand me?” she whispered into my ear.

“Yes, of course. Oh, my God, what’s wrong?”

Marge was shaking. She didn’t let go of me until the doorbell rang, and then she took me by my shoulders, looked me straight into my eyes, and said, “Remember what I said – stay strong.”

At this point she was really scaring me. She held me under my arm as we both walked to the front door. When I opened it, I was a little surprised to see two police officers, not from our town, standing on the front porch. One of them was holding a folded American flag, and Captain Clark was standing behind them. Marge was sobbing before they spoke a word. In the back of my mind, something clicked, but I forced away the disturbing thought that was trying to break through.

“Good morning,” I said quietly.

“Ms. Kagen? Mrs. Tuscan? May we come in, please?”

“Yes, of course.”

I stepped out of the way, noticing how weak my knees felt. We went to the living room, and Marge forced me to take a seat on the couch. The officers remained standing.

“I’m sorry to have to inform you, but your son” – he looked at Marge first, then at me – “your fiancé has passed away.”

One of the officers stepped forward and handed me the folded flag. I refused to cry because I refused to believe it. It couldn’t be true. I would have felt it if Nick was gone, and so I only shook my head in disagreement.

“Where is the body?” I whispered.

“Ma’am, I’m very sorry, but Mr. Tuscan died in a battle at sea. His body was never recovered.”

No, no, no. I had to see the body; otherwise, I was afraid that I’d never believe it.

“I’m sorry to have to be the one to bring this news to you, but please feel free to call me if I can be of any further assistance.”

I just sat there, with my back straight, staring at the wedding picture hanging on the wall across the room, until they left. And then slowly, I felt my heart shatter into millions of pieces, my lungs collapse, and my soul leave my body. As soon as the door closed, I broke down.

Dear Nicholas,

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