Page 52 of Dangerously Deceptive

Liam just lets me cry, he holds me, and soothes me, just like he did when I was a kid and my mum first abandoned me. I don’t think it’s ever happened since, but I sure as fuck am going to make sure it never happens again. I have to be strong for Hallie, which means there will be nothing left of me to give to someone else, particularly not someone who could abandon me and leave me like this. Hallie gets my everything, I don’t need any other woman in my life.

Once I’ve finally calmed down, I pull away from Liam, wincing at the tear and snot stain on his grey t-shirt. “Would you like to meet your goddaughter?” I ask as Liam’s face lights up. Thanks to Shayla getting all the legal paperwork, we already had it confirmed in writing. If anything happens to me, Liam will be the person responsible for my little girl, and I couldn’t think of anyone better. I haven’t had the chance to ask him yet, but I know he won’t say no.

“You want me to be her godfather?” he asks, and I can’t help but laugh at his ridiculous interpretation of the Italian mafia film. Besides, he’s technically Irish mafia, or he was before he cut off all contact with Desmond Doughty. I guess in a way, he still is, since he’s the hitman of choice for most mafia firms all over the world. Liam is just very selective of who he works with. And thank fuck he trained as a hitman because his acting skills are abysmal.

“Well, actually, I have, we have, an opening for Mum if you are interested. If not, you can stick with Godfather,” I joke, only half serious.

“As long as I don’t have to look after your lazy ass, I can be her momma. Can I hold her?” he asks, looking at her like she’s a precious treasure he just has to touch, even though he knows he probably shouldn’t.

“You don’t have to ask. Besides, you kinda already did hold her a second ago, before my meltdown,” I point out, and he laughs.

“That doesn’t count, I was too busy worrying about you to even notice what I was doing.” Neither of us can stop our forlorn expressions. “Is she really gone?” he mumbles, looking at me with concern in case talking about her might just trigger another meltdown.

“I will tell you everything, but you may as well do it while holding the baby. Liam, I would like to introduce to you, my daughter, Hallie Burke.” As I pick Hallie up, she starts to grumble and cry, just like she was doing before, but the minute I place her in Liam’s arms she stops crying. Fucking typical.

As I sit there watching my friend, my brother, hold my little girl, I get to witness what I’m assuming happened to me just a few hours earlier. Hallie opens her big, baby blue eyes, and she looks at Liam. I’m sure I even hear a bit of a giggle, and I watch Liam fall before my very eyes. This big, strong man who kills people for a living is brought to his knees in just a few seconds by the tiny pink human in his arms. His eyes well up with tears, and his Adam's apple bobs, and although he tries to hold it back, I can see it happen. Liam stares at her like she hung the fucking moon and the stars, the same way I looked at her when I was in his position.

“I didn’t know it was possible to love something so small so much,” Liam mumbles, as he tries to fight back the tears.

“I know that feeling. I had the exact same thing happen to me a few hours ago,” I explain with a chuckle, but he isn’t listening.

With his free hand that isn’t wrapped around supporting her tiny body, he takes hold of her tiny hand. Instantly, she grips onto his finger, and it looks almost laughable to see this small hand clutching onto Liam’s finger, but he just stares at her, his vision filled with awe.

“Welcome to the world, my little Hallie Bear. I know your momma had to leave you, but that’s okay because you have the best daddy in the world. And if you ever have a day when you think he isn’t the best daddy in the world, then you can come running to your uncle Liam. I will always be on your side. I will fight your battles for you until you are strong enough to fight them on your own. No matter what, I promise you will be loved. You are loved so much, little Hallie Bear. That is something me and your daddy can always promise you. No matter what life throws at us, no matter how shit—no sorry, sugar—this life may be, you will always have us. Daddy and Uncle Liam will always look after you and love you. To the moon and back, little Hallie Bear.”

The incessant beeping of the machines seems to be echoing around in my mind, like they are vibrating off the walls of my skull. For the last two days, all I have done is listen to the machines and the rise and fall of Shayla’s chest, thanks to the machine that is breathing for her.

When we originally left the hospital, after the birth, she refused to even speak about the baby. I knew she wasn’t dealing very well, but I had expected that. She gave up the person she loved most in the world to protect her. But, I guess, the thought of living in a world without her was just too much for Shayla. She passed out on the drive back to the compound. Luckily, I had brought the car. If she’d collapsed on the back of my bike, we would both have been fucked.

As she drifted in and out of consciousness, she explained about all the pills she swallowed, but most of it was incoherent babbling, so I wasn’t sure what was accurate. I called an ambulance who met us straight away, and the journey back to the hospital we just escaped from was torture. I silently sent up a prayer to whoever was listening, if there even was someone, asking for Shayla to get better, and for Kellan not to find us.

The ambulance journey was horrendous. I had to watch as the paramedic shocked Shayla’s poor, fragile body twice when her heart stopped beating. They put a tube down her throat, and all I could do was hold her hand, showing her that no matter what, I would always be here for her. The doctors in the emergency department insisted that I leave, but I refused. I said I would stay out of their way, but I wasn’t leaving her side. It wasn’t until a doctor with a Reaper cross tattooed on his forearm came to take over, that he gave me permission to stay. We really do have reach everywhere, in all works of life.

The middle-aged doctor, who I’m sure most girls would class as good-looking, doesn’t look like the sort to be associated with the Reapers, but money is a powerful tool. He gets to work very quickly, activating the charcoal and washing out her stomach. But because her heart stopped, and she has made no attempt to breathe for herself, the next few days are critical. All we can do is watch and wait, which is what I have been doing for two very long days.

Holding on to Shayla’s hand as hard as I can, I make her the same promise I made before, only now I have a very good fucking reason to fight. I need to make the Reaper compound safe for her, a place where she actually wants to live with me, and where maybe one day the baby will be safe.

Shay doesn’t want to know anything at all about her, and I don’t blame her, but I do. There’s obviously a lot that I can’t find out, and I don’t think I should, for the sake of Shayla’s sanity. But, I needed to know Kellan took the baby home, that she was all right. I couldn’t find out much, but her discharge paperwork says she is well and living in a flat with Kellan. I wish I knew more, but that will have to do.

I’m so overwhelmed; I want to help her, but I just can’t. I don’t know how. As the mood turns sombre and I start to wonder how I can possibly keep going, I’m pulled from my thoughts by my phone ringing incessantly. It’s Stone, so I pick it up, desperate to hear any kind of good news.

“Hey, Whiskey. So, I think we have everything in place, all we need to do is find the firepower we require and cut off their supply routes. So, I have people ready to go at a moment's notice, and hopefully with the backing of the external contractors, we will be able to make our move. If we can do it by literally just stealing everything out from under their noses with little or no bloodshed, then that’s my ideal scenario, but it seems highly unlikely. I think they will fight back. They may be old, but they’re sadistic fuckers. I don’t give a shit about most of the Church members, but I want my father to be safe.”

His words seep into my skin, giving me the hope I desperately need. I may not agree with the way Shay’s father runs the MC, but he is still the ruler. Yet, whenever he makes a stupid, unfair decision that risks the safety of the MC, everyone comes running to me. There is a clear divide in the MC. If you are below thirty-five, you will most likely associate with me, Stone, or Viper, to name just a few. Then, those over the age of thirty-six, they will always identify with Pres. But, those that seem to have radiated towards me all agree that a few things need to change around the MC and the compound, and it has to change soon. The most essential being how the chauvinistic pigs treat women.

I may be young, but I understood a long time ago that women didn’t deserve to be treated the way they are at the compound. When I became Road Captain, I visited some other MCs that we have alliances with, and the way they treated their Sweetbutts and Old Ladies is remarkable. It’s like they worship them, and love them in the way they should be loved. That spurred me on to make the MC a better place, for Shayla.

“As long as we have everything lined up, ready to move on my say so, I will give you the signal. For now, we just need to wait and see how things go. Viper is on an arms shipment. He’s going to make it look like he's been robbed, and will secure the firepower. We also need to talk about any legacy members of Church,” I reply, my words tentative. As a large huff sounds down the phone, I know that Stone has worked out what I’m talking about.

“I don’t know how we can tell our fathers, and trust they won't betray us to the Pres. This plan will only work if we have the element of surprise. But, I also want to give our dads a chance to side with us. To make the right choice.” I’m not overly close with my dad, but I also can’t imagine having to murder him so I can fight my way to the top spot.

I don’t even want to be the MC’s fucking leader, I just don’t want the current Church to keep ruling. If Shayla does ever wake up, God knows what atmosphere I would have to bring her home to. I don’t think she will have the strength, or the confidence, to stand up for herself. That’s why I am doing it for her.

Stone takes a sharp inhale of breath before rushing out and explaining the crazy plan he has. “Okay, I by no means know this will work, it’s a fucking crazy plan, but it’s all I have got.” He pauses, gathering his composure to try and speak with conviction. “We will need a couple more men. But, my idea is that as we make our moves on the supply routes, we kidnap the fathers. Not only are they out of the way, the Pres will have less people to call on for help. We just need to put the right people in the right area. We can’t send a Proby to deal with the drug lines, and if a Proby tried to restrain my dad, he would have a bullet between his eyes in seconds. So, it will work if we get a few more able-bodied people in. It won’t be too much longer now, Whiskey, and we will have an MC we can finally be proud of.”

I can’t help but physically sag with relief. When I first told Stone about my plans, I was sure he would either laugh or tell the Church, but he didn’t. He said he understood, and needed to fix the MC, to ensure Honey gets the protection she needs. He never mentioned it, but I think there’s a very spunky barmaid that is influencing his decision-making too. And I don’t blame him, I just wish I had tried to do something a while ago, when they first took Shay to Purgatory.

I try not to think about that, hating what I did, or should I say, what I didn’t do. I wanted with every fibre of my being to step in and stop them, but they would have shot me and abused her anyway. I can’t keep her safe if I’m dead. It will be a miracle if she ever forgives me for the heinous crimes I’ve committed against her. Choosing to rape her first so I could make it more comfortable for the rest she had to endure may have felt like I was trying to help her, but I still abused her, and didn’t stop the others from doing so either. The pain of watching the woman you love being destroyed in front of your very eyes, it’s heartbreaking to know I was so helpless. But not anymore.

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