Page 44 of Dangerously Deceptive

Liam: Congrats, man. It has your eyes.

He’s quick to reply,and I can’t help but laugh. Trust him to crack a joke at one of the most serious times in my life. The guy is so serious I didn’t know he knew how to joke, but apparently he does. Before I have a chance to reply, I feel Shayla lacing her hand with mine, and I look up to see that Jamieson is strolling away, back in the direction of the compound. As I watch his big, bulky frame walk away, I keep expecting him to turn around. To look back on what he is leaving behind, but sometimes that’s the hardest thing to do.

“Shall we go home?” she asks, and I can’t fucking wait.

* * *

The next fewmonths seem to pass by in a blur. It took us a few weeks to get into any kind of semblance of normality. Initially, I struggled with having someone else sharing my space, changing things around, and trusting someone with information I have always kept to myself. But, Shayla was patient. She waited until I was comfortable, introducing bits one step at a time. She slowly taught me how to trust and I started to open up to her about my life. She knew the basics about Liam, but I went into detail about my business and how I work. I explained about the level of anonymity that I maintain. She asked lots of questions which at first made me nervous, but she explained she was just trying to make sure the baby would be safe, and that there was no risk of me getting hauled off to jail.

That’s when I decided I needed to open up to her fully. I told her about how I work anonymously, and I get paid that way too. Most of the money I’m able to wash online, the rest Liam does for me, through a guy he knows. I have an official account that has more than enough money in it to take care of Shayla and the baby for life, and I make sure she knows this, so she doesn’t ever have to worry about money. However, I don’t tell her about the little nest egg I have stashed away in a Cayman Islands account, that is very well-hidden, and only to be used in case of emergencies. I’m not hiding it from her, I just don’t want her to worry about it, with it being highly illegal and all.

After some convincing, she does agree to let me add her onto my main bank account. She was worried she would look like she was just freeloading from me, but that was bullshit. Pregnancy is hardly the right time to start evaluating your life and looking for a job, particularly if she doesn’t need to work. If I can make her experience just a little bit better, then that’s great. But, I also don’t want my gummy bear to go without. It can have anything, and each time Shayla goes shopping and comes home with something new, I regret saying that. My house is bigger than one person needs, but it feels like it’s bursting at the seams with all the stuff.

To say I’m not one hundred percent prepared for this baby would be an understatement because I literally don't feel like there’s anything more I can learn without holding the baby in my arms. Shayla is seriously obsessed with teaching me all about parenting. When I refused to read the books she got me, she bought them on audio and played them around the house so I had no choice but to listen. Then at random moments she would quiz me. I was in the shower this morning, and she pulled the door open. There was me hoping for a bit of morning shower sex, and instead I got questioned about the best way to check the temperature of a baby’s bath.

I like the fact that she is so prepared and that she wants me to be, but it feels as though it’s all-consuming at the moment. So, I keep trying, and have done since the first time I brought her home, to show her that this is more than just about the baby. I promised her one day at a time, and that’s what we have been doing.

We have been on dates, we go to the movies, to the beach, even days out to funfairs and circus trips. Anything for us to spend time together, getting to know each other a little better. But, I also wanted to show Shayla what her life will be like with me. She has never experienced freedom before, and I wanted her to see what it was like.

It took a while for us to build back up to where we had been before she left, but that was okay. When you have forever, there’s no rush. But, even from day one, she fell asleep in my arms every night. She said my arms around her and her head on my chest is one of the safest places she’s ever felt, and so of course I never deny her what she wants. But, when she woke me up crying and screaming that first night, I knew exactly why we needed to take things slow. She had experienced some horrific trauma while she was away, stuff that pushed her towards drugs to help block it out. All I could do was hold her, and whisper reassurances into her ear each night, letting her know that she is safe now.

The nightmares continued for a couple of weeks, but as they started to lessen, that’s when our relationship started to heat up. It started with a few chaste kisses, and they progressed into longer, deeper, more passionate kisses. After that, we quickly progressed to the kind of sex we were having before, and fuck was it still amazing.

At first I was worried Shayla didn’t feel as pleased about our relationship becoming physical, she always seemed to have this worried or sad expression on her face. When I asked her about it, she fobbed me off. Telling me I was imagining it. But I knew I wasn’t, so I backed away, scared I had pushed her into something she wasn’t ready for. That’s when she was honest with me.

“For fuck’s sake, Shayla, I am going out of my mind with worry. Please, just be honest with me.”

“Fine. When I was back on the compound for the last month, I grew closer to Jamieson. He became my rock, and helped me survive one of the worst experiences of my life. I knew I liked you, but not being able to be with you was torture. I can’t even begin to explain it. I feel like I cheated on you with him, but now I feel like I’m cheating on him with you. This is all one giant fucking mess,” she shouted, and I took a step back in shock. I’ve never heard her so much as raise her voice. But I knew she was hiding something, and at least now I knew what.

“Shay, when you went back to the compound, we were not together. Yes, I said I would wait for you but we never promised each other anything. So as for feeling like you cheated on me, you didn’t. Does it kill me to know you were with someone else? Yes, but only because I wish it could have been me. I should have been your rock, I should have been the one by your side helping you through it. But, since I couldn’t be there, I’m glad you had someone. Obviously you have your nightmares, but other than those we don’t really talk about what the Reapers put you through, and that’s okay. But, I know it was bad, and I’m just grateful you survived and were able to get back to me. With regards to the part about you feeling like you are cheating on Whiskey, that I can’t help you with. You will need to talk to him about that. Do you want to be with him instead of me? Obviously I want us to be together, but I don’t want you just to stay because of the baby. We can be great parents together even if you are with him,” I said, hating every word as it came out of my mouth. I didn’t want her to go with him, of course I fucking didn’t. I think I might be falling in love with her. But I don’t want her to be with me just because of the baby.

“No, Kellan, I don’t need to talk to him. I’m exactly where I want to be right now. Our baby will be with us soon and I just want to enjoy each and every day until our little gummy bear arrives and everything changes. I love you, Kellan. You don’t need to say anything, it’s something I’ve known for a while, but this seems like the best time to say it. You will make a great dad.”

After hearing those three magical words that I haven’t ever heard from a woman, hearing I will be a great dad, too, was like the icing on the cake. My brain keeps replaying those three words, the passion laced in each and every one, and I love it. My heart swells to twice its normal size and I ignore the twang of sadness that creeps in at the thought that nobody else has ever said those words to me. Obviously Liam tells me all the time in a brotherly way, but that’s all. I’ve never been loved like this before, and it’s so hard to comprehend. I think I might feel the same way, but she’s right, now is not the right time to tell her. When I do tell her, she needs to know for sure that I mean it, and that I'm not just saying it because she said it first.

Until that day arrives, I make sure I tell her with every kiss, every caress, and every time she allows me to worship her beautiful, changing body.

When her bump first started to show, I didn’t think I would want to have sex with her. I know it sounds like a typical man thing to say, and is medically impossible, but I was worried sex might hurt Shayla, or the baby. In reality, pregnancy actually made her hornier, particularly after the vomiting stage passed. After that she was constantly trying to seduce me, and I actually enjoyed watching her confidence grow. Initially, she was scared of all the new scars, not to mention the track marks and cutting scars, that I knew we would have to discuss eventually, but she soon got past them. The more she saw me loving and appreciating her body, in spite of all the imperfections littered across her skin, the more her confidence soared.

As the pregnancy progressed, obviously her body changed. I did appreciate the stage where her boobs got bigger, and her hips handed more meat for me to grab hold of, but she was just generally more aroused. Sex was amazing, and I know she felt the same way too. Until she reached the thirty-seven-week mark, which is technically the time when a baby can be born safely. It was almost like clockwork. As soon as that date hit, and we knew the baby could come anytime, things changed a little.

Obviously, the bump was at its biggest, and Shayla's small frame moving around made her tired easily. She was hot all the time, and her pelvis and back ached. Not exactly the type of things that make you feel at your most sexy, and that’s not including the milk coming into her boobs, and her ankles swelling to the size of small tree trunks.

But, it wasn’t just the sex that changed, it was like Shayla was on edge constantly. She must have given me a tour of the nursery around a thousand times showing me where everything is and how it can all be used. She even taught me all the new-born baby care I could possibly need, and had me practising on a doll. She said that we just needed to be prepared, that giving birth is a risky thing and we need to make sure we both can do everything in case there’s ever a situation where we have to do it alone. That’s when I realised she was scared of not surviving giving birth.

So, I spent all my time indulging her, going over all her worst-case scenario plans. We each wrote a will and I signed a legal document saying Shayla could have the house if anything happens to me. She got them all drawn up by a lawyer, and I signed them because I knew it would reassure her. Fuck, I wish there was a way I could take her worries away, but I’ve tried everything. We have talked about everything, and each time I think I’ve got through to her she reverts back.

For the last couple of days, she has been having the odd Braxton-Hicks contraction, they are painful but nowhere near frequent enough or strong enough to go to the hospital. I know this because I have listened to enough books about labour that I could probably deliver the fucking baby myself. But, today, Shayla seems extra irritable, and I decide to stop putting things off. She has to know how I feel. Maybe that will be the ultimate reassurance.

From where I’m sitting on the sofa, I watch as Shay paces back and forth, rubbing on her back as she goes, concentrating on her breathing each time she feels any pain. I wait until she is directly in front of me, with no sign of a contraction in sight, and I gently pull her down until she is sitting on my lap. She squeals at first, but as I gently wrap my arms around her, she snuggles into me as I take over rubbing her back. I must press on the right spot because it causes her to groan.

After I have helped her breathe through another contraction, which is code for I shut up and rubbed her back for her, I gently move her until she is straddling me. Her big bump rests against my abdomen, and I can feel the baby kick out, like our little gummy bear isn’t happy with the change in position. But feeling this beautiful woman sitting on my trouser-covered cock springs him to life instantly. All she has to do is shuffle to get comfortable and my erection is straining to break free. I know the moment she feels it because she moans and her eyes roll. There’s only my sweatpants and her leggings separating us from touching properly. It’s been around two weeks since we last had sex, and obviously I’m an understanding guy, we have a pretty fucking big reason for not being in the mood. Right now, we are both feeling it, but I don’t want to ruin my words with sex. So the sex will have to wait, but only for like a minute because my cock is straining so much it hurts. I know, I’m a true romantic.

I lean in and lightly press my lips against hers. It’s only supposed to be a slow, gentle, quick kiss, but as soon as we connect, our lips take over. Her hands claw at my back, desperately pulling me closer as she grinds down on my cock, dragging a long groan from my throat. Reluctantly I pull away, both of us panting, and I wipe the hair from her eyes, tucking it behind her ears. Before I get a chance to speak, another contraction rips through her, and this time she cries out in pain, as each time it happens, it gets stronger.

Looking over at the clock, I realise this contraction was only around four minutes away from the last one, and they are definitely starting to last a bit longer. Shayla would definitely agree they are getting stronger too. We need to keep our eye on these. Although this has happened before, we got all excited, and it just stopped. Well, I got excited, Shayla was terrified. Maybe she has watched one too many birthing shows and they have literally scared the shit out of her?

“Shay, babe, you are doing so well with these pains. I’m so proud of you,” I say, as she tries to return her breathing to normal.

---