Page 40 of Dangerously Deceptive

“Weeks,” I screech, as my brain catches up with what she just said. “Did you say you’ve had the dress for weeks?”

“Well, yeah. My room is where he stored a lot of the wedding stuff. I mean, I’ve had the ring for years, but when you got pregnant, that’s when he started putting everything together for real,” Kelsie explains.

For a moment, my chest gets tight and jealousy overcomes me. I knew she and Jamieson were close, but I didn’t know that meant sharing secrets and looking after wedding rings for each other kinda close. “Wait! Di-did you say years?” I stutter, my brain two steps behind again as normal.

Both Kelsie and Honey giggle this time. “Yeah, he’s wanted to propose to you since he was about sixteen, I think. Even though you were only fourteen and no where near old enough to get married, but that’s when he started planning for the day when he could propose. I’m sure he was about that old when he did a few jobs just to earn enough money for the ring. But he made sure they were legal jobs, he knew you wouldn’t want a ring paid for by Reaper money,” Kelsie explains, and I can’t help but shake my head. There’s so much I don’t know, or I have simply just missed out on. How had I missed so much?

Thankfully, Kelsie and Honey leave me alone with my thoughts for a moment, although they do give me a letter that I know straight away is from Jamieson. I’d recognise his squiggly handwriting anywhere. Taking a few deep breaths, I open it and read what he has to say.

To Shayla,

I never really thought this day would ever come, despite preparing for it for the last three years. Everyone says that you never meet the love of your life when you’re a kid, yet I know I did. From the minute I first laid eyes on you, I knew, no matter what, you were the only girl for me.

Our path may not have been smooth, but our destination is still the same. We have, and we will, continue to overcome all the obstacles life throws in our way, together.

I know this isn’t exactly how you wanted to do things. In fact, I don’t think you ever really talked about getting married much, but when we did, I remembered it all. Even the things you told me when you were just eight years old.

I know the start of our marriage will not be quite what it should be, and that it will really test us, but I promise you, I will be there through it all. I know you are going to live with him and make a life with him, and as much as that breaks my heart, I support you. I want you to have it all and to experience as much as you can.

I know handing our little gummy bear over will be the hardest thing in the world, and I want you to know that it will break my heart too. Because I love every single part of you. Even the part that loves him. I love all of you, and I accept all of you. When your heart breaks, so does mine. But I want you to know that when you hurt, you will never hurt alone. I will always be there. When the darkness overwhelms you, I will shine a light guiding you back home to me. I will be that beacon, the one you come back to. I will hold you up when you can’t do it yourself. I will hold you while you cry, and I will do everything within my power to make sure you smile. To make sure you laugh.

You deserve the world, Shayla, and I plan on giving it to you. Yes, there will be bad times, sooner than we think, but I promise you that there will be good times too. You will smile more than you frown. You will laugh more than you cry.

All you have to do is put on the dress I picked out for you (I really hope it fits you!!) and then follow your bridesmaids. I will meet you at the end of the aisle. I will be the one staring at you like I just won the lottery.

Happy Wedding Day, beautiful. I hope you have a day that’s befitting the truly great person that you are.

Oh, and make sure you look in the pocket of the dress bag. There’s something in there that belongs to you. It has since I bought it for you when I was just eighteen. I’ve been trying to pluck up the courage to give it to you ever since, but especially the last couple of days. But I didn’t want you to reject me.

I hope you like it!

Yours forever and always, no matter what.

Jamieson

Xxxx

Oh fuck!I literally can’t stop the tears from rolling down my face, and it’s only when I’m mid-sob do I remember how much effort Kelsie went through to do my make-up. I quickly jump up and grab a tissue, as I attempt to dab up as much wetness as I can without ruining the rest.

I think I have done the best I can, some small touch-ups will be required, but overall I haven’t ruined it too badly! Quickly, I make my way over to the white dress bag, and after confirming I have no make-up on my hands that might mess this up, I slide open the zip to the pocket. I reach in and pull out the most beautiful solitaire diamond ring with what looks to be a white gold band. It looks exactly like the type of ring I would want. It’s simple, understated yet elegant and beautiful. It glistens in the light, making it stand out beautifully. My heart races as I start to lower it onto my ring finger. Of course it fits perfectly, Jamieson is just that kind of guy. He probably measured my finger while I was asleep, or stole one of my other rings for comparison. If he’s going to do something, he always does it right. Which is why I’m a little concerned as to why he didn’t give me this himself.

Obviously, if he had given it to me a few weeks or months ago, I probably would have told him to go fuck himself. I was angry, and I didn’t understand his point, or see what he was doing. But now I know he is doing it for me, it’s hard not to see the chivalry there. He could have given it to me the last few days, I already agreed to marry him, so why wouldn’t he give me the ring?

Maybe because he sees it as real and you don't, is my brain’s reply to that question. But, the problem is, I’m not sure my brain is right. I mean, of course Jamieson sees this wedding as the real thing, it's the part about me I’m not sure I agree with. I think there’s a part of me that is thinking, if this is the route my life has to take, at least I get to do it with Jamieson. There’s no denying I’m attracted to him, but I just don’t know if I can forgive not only the things he’s done to me, but also the things he stood by and allowed to happen. I think one day, when we have spent more time together and built on our relationship more, we can have the real thing. I think, no matter how arranged and convenient this marriage may be, something good will come from it.

With that thought in my mind and a smile on my face, I pull the beautiful ivory lace dress out of the bag. It’s so fucking stunning, I don’t even know how to describe it. As I step into it, the girls arrive back at just the right time. They help get me into the dress, fastening the row of buttons that cascade down my lower back. The top of my back is exposed as the dress plunges down. The small straps hold the gorgeous silky material up, and the top scoops just low enough to see my cleavage without it being too on display.

I catch sight of the track marks in the crook of my arm, and the scratches in various stages of healing across my wrists. In my enjoyment, I had mistakenly shown my dirty little secret. I can’t get married with them on display. My breathing starts to accelerate as I begin to panic. “Hey, Shay, relax. Take some deep breaths. I will cover everything with concealer when I touch up your make-up, okay?” asks Kelsie as she gives me a small knowing smile. There’s a sadness in her eyes, almost like she not only understands but she really knows what I’m going through. I can’t believe I have two people here that I class as my best friends yet we never really talk about this kind of stuff. Maybe we should, then we wouldn’t feel quite as alone.

“Thank you. I didn’t cope too well with all the shit that came with turning eighteen and being a Sweetbutt. I’m surprised I made it to nineteen before taking anything,” I say, knowing these girls don’t need any more of an explanation. Both Honey and Kelsie had it worse than me at a much younger age.

“You are lucky you had Jamieson. I wish I had someone willing to give up so much for me,” says Honey, and my eyebrows furrow as confusion becomes evident.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

Honey and Kelsie look at each other, fear in their eyes like they are both going to get in trouble now for divulging a secret. Honey shakes her head, making it clear she won't tell me. Kelsie, on the other hand, takes a big, deep breath before changing my life. “I thought you knew, so if you don’t it’s because you weren’t meant to know. Please remember that and make sure we don’t get into trouble,” she says, and I nod in confirmation, pleading with her with my eyes to continue. “When Jamieson was fifteen and he was inducted into the Reapers, he didn’t do it because he wanted to. He took a proposition to the Church. He said if they didn’t support his request, he was leaving and refusing his father’s Legacy cut. His terms were that when you asked for your freedom, just like he knew you would, they had to give you a fair chance to earn it. He also made them confirm that they wouldn’t touch you sexually until after you turned eighteen. He tried for not at all, but they compromised at eighteen. I think he hoped by then you would either be free or married to him, so he could look after you properly. But you hated him for it. You never forgave him for taking his cut, yet he did it all for you.”

I physically drop to the bed as my legs give out beneath me. I go to put my hands against my eyes, to try and stop the tears that I can feel are coming, but Honey grabs hold of my hand, and instead uses a piece of paper to fan my face. I have to admit, strangely it’s working.

---