Page 28 of I Was Always Yours (RCA: Royal Crown Academy)

But the other part of me – the stupidly naive and hopelessly romantic part of me that I should have strangled to death long ago – she knew that our story wasn’t over.

I’d hoped that if we ever did meet again, time would have dulled his hatred towards me. Instead, it seems to only have fueled it.

I think of Astor often, I carry the memory of him in my head and heart. Being confronted by the hate his brother hurls at me because of my part in the accident hurts.

“I go here,” I whisper, and it’s like dangling a red handkerchief in front of a bull.

His nostrils flare and his eyes narrow on me. “No, you fucking don’t.”

He walks past me and shoulder checks me so violently he sends me flying into the wall of lockers. He doesn’t stop or look back to make sure I’m okay, instead he marches angrily down the hall until he reaches the Headmaster’s office.

“What the hell was that?” Nera asks, running up to help me stand, “I only caught the end, but what the fuck? Who is he and why did he just assault you?”

“That,” I say, brushing imaginary dust off my ass and looking down the hall at where he disappeared into Headmaster Thornton’s office, “is Phoenix.”

She blinks once. “No.”

“Yup.”

“Nooooo,” She repeats, dramatically extending the vowel as she brings her hand to her mouth in shock.

I nod, my expression resigned. “Unfortunately.”

“Wow, we didn’t even get one day of peace. Not one night to enjoy our newfound freedom and status as roomies before the drama was upon us. It’s going to be an interesting four years.”

“You’re telling me,” I reply grimly, because my excitement at being at RCA just hit zero. Clearly, he’s intent on being enemies, on hating each other for all eternity, and how am I supposed to do that when my skin is still heated and tingling from our confrontation?

When I thought about him and me over the last few years, I only ever imagined our story playing out in one of two scenarios.

The first was that we’d never see each other again. That, hopefully with time, I’d eventually forget him or learn to live without him.

The second assumed that we’d meet again, mend things between us and be friends, be… something more maybe.

I’d dreamed of that second scenario more than I cared to admit. Every year from the time I turned eleven until my last birthday almost a year ago when I turned fourteen, I’d closed my eyes, blown out my candles, and wished that we’d meet again and he’d forgive me.

That maybe one day, he’d love me.

There was no scenario I imagined where we’d meet again and he’d hate me more than the day he told me he’d wished I’d died instead of Astor.

I won’t survive four years like this.

I swallow around the mass in my throat as I blink back tears.

This isn’t how it was meant to go.

And worse, those feelings that I’d worked to smother for years, hoping one day they’d die out?

They’ve come flying back like they never left, as strong and as potent as ever.

“Are you going to be okay?” Nera asks, her tone worried.

“Not today,” I reply honestly, “But one day soon, I hope.”

“I can’t believe he’s here,” She says, shaking her head in disbelief, “And he really seems to hate you, Six. You still don’t want to tell me what happened between you?”

Like I said, Nera was there when I was at my saddest. She helped me regain confidence in myself and trust people again, so she knows about Phoenix and the end of our friendship broke me.

What I never told her was why. I couldn’t face admitting to someone else that he blamed me for his brother’s death.I just couldn’t come to terms with it, likely because I carried enough of my own guilt on the subject.

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