Page 25 of I Was Always Yours (RCA: Royal Crown Academy)

I nod, acknowledging the unsaid approval, and walk out.

***

Less than a week later, we land in Hong Kong.

Once on the tarmac, my dad gets into a waiting limousine and leaves me to take separate one to the hotel. As promised, he didn’t speak a word to me on the plane and now doesn’t say goodbye before he drives off.

It’s Sunday evening and the competition starts tomorrow, but my thoughts can’t help but trail toher. I need to focus on judo, I should actually probably be training right now, but my mind is otherwise occupied.

Ever since the dam broke and that first thought of her came barreling in, she’s been impossible to shut back out.

I don’t know why I’m here.

I’m not sure why I let myself get provoked into coming to Hong Kong solely on the mention of her last name. I’d acted almost on autopilot since, and now I have to face the decisions I’ve made.

I can’t be here.

The thought of seeing her makes my skin crawl with unease and turns my mood pitch black, but a part of my monster needs to see her.

To make sure that life over the past two years has been as painful for her as it has for me. To witness how losing the boy she liked broke her tiny little heart like she shattered mine.

To see what she looks like now and if she’s still as pretty as the first day I saw her.

I shake that last rogue thought away.

I fall asleep with resentment in my gut and fresh resolve not to seek her out in my heart.

Which is why I have no idea what comes over me the next day when I walk out of the competition before my match, not even bothering to turn around when my coach calls after me.

I watched my teammates' matches as best I could, but my thoughts kept running away from me and to her.

There’s no use even competing at this point, I’d rather take a forfeit than the inevitable loss that will come if I even attempt any grips in my current distracted state.

I need to see her and make sure she’s hurting as much as I am, and then I’ll be fine. Then I’ll have the closure I need and will be able to truly forget about her.

I give in and try to look at her IG, but it’s set to private. Her bio calls out that she’s a Sagittarius, Franco-British, and goes to the Lycée Français in Hong Kong. I have my driver take me there.

I’m sitting in the backseat, the tinted windows giving me total cover as I wait for her to come out. The bell rings and seconds later students pour out onto the steps and sidewalk, going in various directions for lunch.

Some go home, some take packed lunches out of their bags and sit outside, and others head towards food stands to grab a bite to eat, but I don’t see her.

Maybe I missed her, or maybe she didn’t come to school today, or–

And all of a sudden, there she is.

She comes running out and stops so close to my car that my heart stops before I remember that she can’t see me. Even if she could, she’s too busy laughing and falling into her friends’ waiting arms.

She’s the very definition of joy in that moment, like nothing’s ever caused her worry or pain. She seems untouched by the nastiness of the world, unsullied by the pain that’s been living in my heart for two years.

The pain she at least partially caused.

Whatever I expected to find here, this isn’t it.

The anger feels like it only balloons inside me instead of getting the brief respite I was hoping for. But I still can’t look away, almost entranced by seeing her in front of me after so much time.

She hasn’t changed much. That mass of hair still flows to the bottom of her back, brilliant as the sun. Her face is the same, if a bit wiser looking, her freckles are more prominent, if that’s even possible, and her smile is beaming.

She looks happy and healthy, and I hate her for it.

---