Page 23 of I Was Always Yours (RCA: Royal Crown Academy)

Because I’ve never seen that look in his eye before. In fact, I’ve never seen his face like that in general. It’s vicious, his glare slicing me to the quick with barely a glance.

He doesn’t look like the boy I know any more and I’m shocked by the mean look he levels at me.

“Phoenix–,” I try again.

“What the hell are you doing here?” He demands, his voice cutting.

“What do you mean?” I ask, confused, “You think I would miss Astor’s funeral?”

His jaw flexes as he turns. “I know you wouldn’t miss it,” he says with a humorless laugh, “Why are you talking to me?”

I’m wounded by his tone and confused by his misguided anger. “I–, why wouldn’t I talk to you?”

He stalks up to me and shoves me to the ground. I land on my butt and my palms catch my fall as I cry out sharply.

I hear someone take a couple steps towards me and pause when Phoenix says, “Stay out of this, Rogue.”

“I’m sorry,” I start, tears surfacing again, “I’m so sorry–”

“I hate you.”

He cuts me off and delivers those words in the iciest tone I’ve ever heard. They’re completely devoid of warmth or emotion, like he’s talking to someone he really loathes.

I’m not just someone though, I’m his friend. One of his best friends who he’s seen almost every day of the past year.

The realization that Mum was wrong and he does blame me for Astor’s death settles like a weight in my stomach.

“Please, Nix.” I say between sobs. I don’t know what I’m begging for exactly, but I’ll beg if it means he’ll forgive me.

“I never want to see you again,” He spits, before repeating with unnecessary emphasis, “I hate you.”

It’s my turn to repeat myself. “I’m sorry, I loved him too–”

He moves so quickly that I flinch and close my eyes. When I open them, he has me pinned beneath him, his face inches from mine as he sneers at me.

“Shut up,” he says. “Just shut up.” And then, because he hasn’t hurt me with his words enough already, he adds, “I wish it wasyouwho was getting buried, not him.”

The verbal blow strikes so painfully that I squeeze my eyes shut. He rips himself away from me and walks off, leaving me flat on my back ten feet from his brother’s coffin.

I sit up slowly, wiping at the tears on my cheeks with my bloody palm, no doubt making a mess on my face.

When things come crashing down around you, they crash fast. I went from having two best friends to losing them both in the span of a week. From a heart full of love to a broken one.

And from a clear idea of what my future might look like to having no clue what tomorrow would bring and how I would survive it without Phoenix and Astor in my life.

Chapter 8

Phoenix, ages 11-13

A month after our confrontation at Astor’s funeral, Sixtine’s father moves the headquarters of his company to Hong Kong and relocates his family there.

I don’t see her again until the day she leaves.

After spending the month prior to her departure carefully avoiding her physically, as well as dodging any conversations Rogue or Rhys tried to start with me about her, I’d put her completely behind me.

She didn’t have the stranglehold on my thoughts and actions that she’d had previously, the hate I felt for her having gnawed through the blinders of my obsession.

I’d filled that time up by taking more judo classes, seeing my friends, and generally spending as much time away from home as possible.

---