Page 173 of I Was Always Yours (RCA: Royal Crown Academy)

Nix.

Letter #4

Wild girl,

I want to tell you more pretty words about how much I love you, but I can’t. The reality is, the way I love you is ugly. It suffocates me when I try to breathe, it submerges and drowns me when I try to think. It plagues me incessantly.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’ll be looking at Sirius tonight and thinking of you.

Yours,

Nix.

When I’m done reading the letters that night, I stand at my window and look up at the sky for hours. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to look at it again without thinking of him

Letter #5

Wild girl,

Now that you know how much I love you, I need to tell you how sorry I am. Truly, categorically, from the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry.

I let myself be blinded by my rage, my grief, and my jealousy, and missed what I now realize was obvious all along.

I’m sorry,

Nix.

Letter #6

Wild girl,

I know what I did doesn’t make sense to you. All I can say is I thought he loved you and if he loved you anywhere near how much I love you, then that love wasn’t going to end with his death.

He’d have waited for you in the next lifetime, and the next, and the next.

Like I will.

I’m sorry,

Nix.

Letter #7

Wild girl,

I couldn’t love you because you weren’t mine.

But at some point, I stopped giving a shit. I realized I couldn’t live without you anymore and I made you mine. I was, and am, ready to fight for you in every lifetime if that’s what it takes.

I’m sorry,

Nix.

After that, I started waiting for Steph’s knock at the door so I could read the letters the second they were delivered.

Letter #8

---