Page 111 of I Was Always Yours (RCA: Royal Crown Academy)

He rolls his eyes. “The only thing that’s going to be killed is me if your father finds out the staff let you get blackout drunk, love.”

“It can be our little secret,” I say with a wink, but I think I end up just blinking at him.

I stumble and he grabs my elbow, steadying me. “Go upstairs and freshen up, I'll bring you water once I’m done with this round.”

His eyes track me as I go up the stairs, and I only trip once on my way to the second floor, which I consider to be a personal victory.

I guess he’s right, I let myself get a little drunker than I realized. The floor is tilting and the edge of my vision is slightly warped like I’m looking at the world through a fish lens.

I go to my room and immediately outside onto my balcony to get some much-needed fresh air. It’s cold as hell but there’s a heating lamp my parents installed that keeps me relatively warm.

I sit in the deck chair and rest my head against the back, enjoying the mix of biting cold and artificial heat. Half an hour out here and I know I’ll have at least partially sobered up.

The downside of closing my eyes is that I immediately conjure up memories of Phoenix and I together.

I miss his warmth, I miss his touch, I even miss his psychotic brain. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who understands him and other times I feel like I don’t know him at all.

If Astor was still here, I wonder how different our fates would be. Would Phoenix allow himself to like me if he never had to hate me?

Thewhat ifseat at me, as they often do.

My phone rings, pulling me from my reverie. Opening my eyes and then immediately closing one to focus my blurred vision, I see it’s Bellamy FaceTiming me.

I swipe to answer, bringing the phone above eye level for a better angle.

“Hey, B,” I say when she appears on screen. “Happy Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas!” She says with a bright smile before her eyes widen. “Wow, you look amazing. How’s the party?”

“It’s great, my mum outdid herself. You guys will have to come next year.”

“Definitely. I’m so sad we couldn’t make it to this one,” she says, her mouth twisting. Her mum came to Aubonne to spend the holiday with her and Rogue so they stayed put. “But I’m excited for Paris! I’ve never been, obviously.”

The girls and I decided that since we couldn’t meet up over Christmas, that we’d fly to Paris and celebrate New Year’s Eve there together. I was able to get VIP tickets to Pachamama so Bellamy and Thayer are in for a treat.

“I’m excited as well, I miss you. How’s your holiday been so far?”

“Well, it’s been amazing for me overall, but Phoenix has been in a foul mood the entire time. He’s barely said a word to any of us since your fight or break up or whatever we’re calling it. Have you heard from him?”

“Not a word.” I say, careful to keep my voice blank, which is easier said than done given my current level of inebriation.

“Unbelievable. He’s been moping around here like someone stole his favorite toy, refusing all attempts at being cheered up and believe me — we’ve tried. And when he’s not too busy feeling sorry for himself, he’s out fighting.”

My heart races at her words. “Has he gotten hurt?”

“Not a scratch, although the same can’t be said for his opponents. I think the biggest wound is to his heart, though he’d never admit it. I wish he’d just swallow his pride or whatever it is standing in his way and apologize.”

“His silence has made it perfectly clear that he’s not interested in continuing this.” I say with a loud hiccup, before bursting into a fit of giggles.

She laughs. “I think this is the first time I’m seeing you tipsy. I love it.” Her eyes flick to the side before coming back to me. “Show me your dress. Give me a twirl.”

With another giggle, I stand and prop my phone on the balcony railing. Adjusting the dress so that my cleavage is on display and taking a few steps back so I’m fully in frame, I twirl with a “Ta-da!”

“Gorgeous,” she says, before turning the phone away from her face and towards the entryway. I’m mid-twirl so I don’t catch who she’s showing. “Look at what you fumbled, Phoenix.” I hear her say, chastising him.

I’m slightly out of breath, smiling and stumbling as I face the camera just in time to see Bellamy back on screen.

She’s only in frame for half a second before the phone is ripped out of her hand and Phoenix comes into view.

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