Page 63 of Anchor

She made no comment as she went through the stuff I’d brought for her and her siblings, and I resisted the urge to ask her if these worked, if they’d like them or if they’d even fit. It had been easy enough to guess her size, but I’d only seen her siblings once.

While she went through everything, I took out my phone to scroll through the Roe videos I’d downloaded for easy access, when, “Can I have that?” asked Taylor.

It was dark and she couldn’t really see much of the clothes and she looked very curious, so again, I turned the flashlight on and gave her my phone without a word.

It was for the better, actually. My eyes were on the sky and that bracelet was in my hands to keep them busy, and the sound of Taylor’s movements calmed my chaotic mind like magic. It was a warm night, the forest was asleep, and I was at peace for a little while. I breathed easy.

“What’s that?” Taylor asked when she came to sit next to me and gave me my phone back.

“Just something I got at work,” I said, showing her the bracelet.

“Let me see.” She took it without waiting for a reply, but I didn’t mind. It looked so much bigger in her hands.

“Were you in school today?” I wondered.

She only nodded.

“Do you like school?”

“Not really,” she muttered, and I was tempted to smile at how simply, howhonestlyshe answered. “What’s it like being like you?”

I watched her as she inspected the bracelet, the way her little fingers moved as she spun it around slowly—exactlylike I had been doing until now. She was copying my every movement.

No idea why that broke my heart.

“You mean, Iridian?”

She nodded again.

“It’s…” I closed my eyes for a moment to think of the right words. “It’s, uh…” I couldn’t find them.

As strange as it sounds, I couldn’t find the right words that would describe to her what it was like to be Iridian because, I realized, I didn’t know what being Iridian meant in the first place. A human being with the ability to access and control magical energy? Is that what I really was—thatcolddefinition?

Being Iridian means being protectors,I wanted to say next, but that was a lie and I had already lied to her enough. We didn’t protect shit—we turned on our own when it was convenient. We weresupposedto be the protectors of the world because we were the most powerful species, and with great power comes that responsibility. I’d actually believed that at one point, which now made me feel so stupid.

No, Iridians don’t protect anything they don’t care about, and they don’t care about anybody but themselves.

Then, I thought,being Iridian is being special, out of the ordinary,but that was a lie, too. We weren’tspecial;we were all the same. My own grandmother couldn’t stand the sight of me. My team leader had turned on me. A woman I’d considered a friend had tried to kill me.

And I had betrayed the man that I loved with my whole being because I’d been too much of a coward to do the right thing.

So, no, I couldn’t tell Taylor that lie, either.

In the end, I chose to say nothing, only watched her playing with that bracelet, until the night grew cold and she could barely keep her eyes open.

Then I took her back to the trailer with the suitcase, and I left.

Being in my skin was slowly becoming a torture again, just like before the Iris Roe. This constant state of feeling nothing and too much at the same time was going to make me lose my mind.

Nobody wanted to tell me anything. Cameron hadn’t assigned me to a team yet, I suspect, because Cassie was right—the team leaders didn’t want to deal with me because I’d been Mud. TheyknewI’d been Mud, they’d been there in the forest, most of them, and I bet at least a couple were in the same van they carried me back to Headquarters in. They saw me and they wouldn’t be fooled by the false statements I was forced to give to the media.

Others at the office were used to my presence by now, and they no longer bothered me with questions they knew I wasn’t going to answer. So, for the next week, I was on my own whenever Cassie was busy with work, and Jim and Jam continued tonot beanywhere that I was in the Headquarters, and the archives I had access to insisted that the file I’d had in my own hands about Taland when I accepted my first “mission” didn’t exist anywhere.

Madeline was always home, and I hadn’t had the balls to break into her office for that book again, but the bracelet, at least, was perfect for playing with whenever I could. It calmed me down better than any stress ball.

I went back to Taylor a few more times—I know.But her tree was really comfortable, and she was always awake when I went there, and she was great company when we sat on that branch and listened to the night.

I sent her food and electronics for her and her siblings, anything I could think of. And I always asked what her parentssaid about it, if she wanted me to come talk to them, but she saidno, it’s not necessary.She never askedwhyor saidthank you,but she used the things I gave her, at least. She wore the pajamas and the jackets and sneakers. That told me that she’d liked them even if she never actually said so, and I was too embarrassed to ask. I took it.

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