Page 59 of Tricky Girls

But blaming myself is my default, honed all the way back in childhood. It’s a tough habit to crack, those subconscious voices louder than my own.

I ruined Mum’s life after all, and she’s not let me forget the fact since.

Through the bubbles crackling in my ears, I hear my phone vibrating on the rim of the bath.

I check the name on the screen.

Speak of the devil.

I look at the wordMumas I deliberate answering, not quite ready to disrupt the peace. But if I don’t answer, she’ll only retaliate by ignoring my existence for another month. Plus, there’s a sliver of concern since she told me she got back with Callum, her abusive asshat of a boyfriend.

As much as I hate the fact, I told her to ring me in the case of an emergency and I hope that she’ll take me up on it.

Well, I hope it never comes to that, but on the off chance it does—because it sure has before.

When the phone’s at the point it’s about to fall in the bath, I swipe it up.

‘Hey.’

‘Tilds—’ She coughs, lungs hacking loudly. Those damn cigarettes. ‘Christmas,’ she says eventually. ‘You coming home or what?’

No pleasantries. No asking how I am. I only get those when she’s either off her tits or wants something from me.

‘Dunno.’ I sink lower into the water, the bubbles a protective white wall around my head. ‘Bit early to think about, isn’t it? Why?’

‘Callum wants to know, that’s all.’

I close my eyes, hitting my head against the bath. ‘Why does he want to know?’

‘Might want to come round, that’s all.’

She’s keeping her voice light, mollifying, because she knows exactly how I feel about Callum being there for Christmas, especially after last time. Never again do I want to spend Christmas on a hospital ward with the police hovering around for a statement.

Callum spent a stint inside for it and after that disappeared.

For good, I thought.

Until this summer when I came across a black and white photo of them on Instagram, both with sunny smiles and clearly naked from the neck down.

Had our ups and downs but true love never breaks x,the caption read.

‘I don’t want to see him.’

‘Not all about what you want, is it?’ She barks out an ugly laugh. ‘Though guess with you, it always is. Just wanted a nice family Christmas, that’s all, but you can’t even give me that.’

‘Mum, he broke your arm last Christmas!’

‘Yeah, and he’s sorry. I tried to tell you this. Did some course inside. Anger management and that.’

I roll my eyes. Absolute bullshit. Men like Callum don’t change, theypretend. Pretend until they’ve got you well and good and trapped, then they unleash their true colours. We’ve been here so many fucking times. How can she be so stupid?

‘If he’s there, I won’t be. You promised.’

‘Suit your fucking self then. Where you gonna go, huh? Can’t stay there, can you.’

‘Of course I can. Not everyone goes home.’

‘Because they don’t have one.You do.’

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