Page 141 of Haunt Me

“We think that could be great for her,” Manuela says. “She’s talked about it a bit, actually, but…”

“But what? Tell me.”

They exchange a look. I know that look. I’ve exchanged it with James a million times. It’s the sibling look; you communicate with your eyes only. I wait.

“We think she is waiting for permission to do it,” Faith says.

“Permission?” I can barely control my voice.

“Ok, now don’t get mad,” Manuela warns me, but it’s too late.

“Did you use the word ‘permission’?” It comes out as a snarl.

“It’s true,” Faith says. “It’s a whole thing; they explained it to us. They said she was raised to be submissive, and she feels like something terrible would happen if she disobeyed orders. Or if she does something she isn’t expressly allowed to do. So she will feel like she needs permission for every…”

“Please stop,” I beg, my voice cracking. I bring a fist to my mouth. I knew I shouldn’t have eaten.

“Are you going to be sick?” Manuela asks me, looking around for something I can throw up in. Oh, great, I bet she does the same thing for her toddler.

I lift a finger in the air.Give me one second.

“I’m sorry, I should have prepared you before saying a thing like that,” Faith says, sounding contrite.

This is so not her fault.

“I knew,” I tell her, my voice choked up. “I saw it. I knew someone had made her…obedient.” They both shudder at the word. I do, too. “Too obedient. That’s not even the word I was looking for, but that thing you said… I’m not going to repeat it. But I saw how she was, at times, and I was… I was absolutely horrified. How dependent she was on that monster—on his opinions and rules. Every time the subject came up, she was shattered. She changed. She even behaved that way with me, although very rarely. I didn’t know what to do about it, except for tearing my hair out. It happened when she was scared, or stressed. She would become someone else; she would disappear on me.”

We all fall quiet.

“She thought she would die if she disobeyed him,” I say.

“He trained her,” Manuela agrees, her eyes unfocused, sad.

“There is documentation of him stating that he stole the baby in order to save her,” Faith continues where her sister left off. “He had none of his own, but he wanted a child to raise ‘properly’. To ‘save from the ugliness of this world’. That’s a direct quote. So he stole Eden. No one knows exactly what he was thinking, but it looks like he treated her less as a child and more as a pet.”

‘My name is Eden. But my dad calls me ‘Pet’.’

‘Pet. Cute.’

‘Is it.’

I think I’m actually going to be sick in front of both of them.

“She knew,” I try to say, but no sound comes out of my lips. I press them together. “Sorry,” I mumble.

“It’s ok. I get a migraine every time I try to wrap my mind around how Eden grew up,” Manuela says.

Maybe it’s just as well that they didn’t hear what I wanted to say.

“She should have changed her name,” I choke, and they both look at me in surprise, not getting why I’m changing the subject.But I’m not changing it, not even a little bit. I am thinking of that ‘Pet’. How he called her that.

“She wanted to keep her name,” Faith says. “Dad and Mom gave it to her, and also she said…”

“Don’t, Faith,” Manuela gently takes her hand.

“Tell me, Faith,” I pin her with my eyes.

“She said that you loved her with it, so she wanted to keep it.”

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