Page 73 of Haunt Me

“Just talking to myself,” I try to smile and it comes out as a wince.

She looks weirded out. As she should.

I might as well forget my own name, Eden’s reply lights up my phone within second.

I smile so hugely my cheeks are about to burst.Oh, is that right?

Stop smiling, you idiot, Eden texts me. She so knows I am smiling right now. She has me in the palm of her hand.You ruined everything, you know.

I sober up.I know, I type.I’m not sorry I said it, but let’s forget I did, ok? Let me say something else instead. You are not alone. This is not ok, but you are not alone in it. You have me.

What is not ok?

I gesture helplessly. How do I answer that in a text? I need her here next to me. I swear under my breath. I need to see her face, I need to talk to her. I sigh, exasperated.

Next to me, Cameron notices my gesture. The all-familiar mask of pity descends on her face, and I swear, it takes all of my will-power not to stand up and walk away from the table.

“Are you ok?” she tilts her head, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “I heard what happened to you. It sucks about your dad…”

I stand up and leave. It’s always the same. Every single time a person talks to me, this is what they have to say. I can’t stand it. I need to breathe.

I head to my dorm and flop face first on my bed. Blessed silence envelops me. I start typing, trying to put my thoughts into words.

This. This is not ok, Eden. Whatever you are going through, the things that you won’t tell me. I can feel it that you are lost like me.

You can’t possibly know that.

Well, are you?

Am I what?

Lost.

She stops typing.

I sit up. I made her uncomfortable.

Listen, if you’re lost, I can’t get you un-lost, but we can be lost together.My fingers are shaking as I type. I don’t think I have ever written a truer sentence.

That is lovely, Isaiah, she replies.

Yeah? I thought it the first day I met you.

You barely said a word to me that day.

Oh, I said plenty of words, believe me. But none came out of my mouth. I was… I was struck speechless by you.

You were not. I looked pathetic.

You looked… like you. You were you. And even before anything else, my heart recognized you. Does that sound corny?

Very, she replies.

I laugh.Well, it’s true.

It was more terror at first sight for me, she types.

I know, Eden, I saw. But for the record, it wasn’t love at first sight for me either. It was more of a lightning bolt than love. I was just… struck. I saw myself in in your pain. I didn’t know what I was seeing, but I knew one thing the minute I saw you: I was no longer alone.

---