Page 55 of Haunt Me

“This is how I will live my entire life,” she says. “Frozen to the spot, drowning, while every single person around me is speeding by.”

I turn her face towards me and my voice comes out ferally, wildly, angrily: “No. You’re not standing there. Not anymore.” She looks down, and I pull her chin up so she can face me. “I saved you,” it comes out as a muffled cry. “I got you out of there. I’ll always get you out. No matter where you’re stuck.”

She won’t look at me.

“You are not scared,” I continue through teeth clenched with rage born of fear. “You are not frozen, Eden. You are the bravest person I know.”

A spark of surprise lights up in her face.

“You think so?”

“I know so.”

I pull her to me, draw her into my chest and she just fits there, perfectly, as if my body was created hollow in the shape of her.

“Eden,” I murmur. “Eden. What is happening to me? What are you doing to me? I thought I would lose my mind. When I got your message it was like… having my air cut off. And when I saw you, standing there… about to get killed…”

I gasp for breath, pushing my face into the crook of her neck.

And then I’m kissing her skin. I can’t help myself. I just run my lips down the slope of her shoulder hungrily, trying to keep myself in check. Failing.

I won’t kiss her. I won’t kiss her.

I won’t lose.

She stays absolutely still as my mouth explores her, barely breathing. At some point, I feel her inhaling sharply, her lips trembling as the air filters through them, and a violent shiver shakes my entire body, nearly bringing me to my knees.

“Eden,” I murmur, and at that moment, her name is synonym with paradise.

Then my lips travel to her mouth. The minute I touch the corner of her lips, she freezes. I stop.

“Is this ok?” I murmur, another shiver shattering my body. “Can I do this?”

I am barely holding on to my sanity, waiting for her reply. My whole body is on fire, I am this close to losing all control, and thiscannothappen. Not without her saying it can.

“Baby?”

She turns her head away so quickly, I think she’ll pull a muscle. Now it’s my turn to freeze.

“Hey no, what’s wrong? Talk to me,” I beg. “Did I hurt you?”

But she doesn’t talk to me. She doesn’t turn her head once to look at me as she stumbles and nearly falls in her hurry to run away from me. I scramble to reach her, but she’s already getting away. I scream her name as I run after her, my shoes pumping the snow-caked ground so hard, cold mud splatters my ankles. I reach her within seconds and take a hold of her elbow.

“Eden,” I whisper, tasting the fear on my tongue. “Eden.”

It sounds as desperate as I feel. I don’t even care.

She stops.

She turns to look straight at me with a strange expression in her eyes. It’s determination, but it’s also something else. As if she’s having an inner dialogue with herself. Deciding something. Arguing—and winning.

“The other day, when you were having trouble breathing and I helped you…” She is talking about when I had the panic attack.

“Yeah?”

“You said… Or maybe I imagined it?”

“I love you,” I say. “I said I love you.”

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