Page 53 of Haunt Me

I press my hand against the middle of her chest and feel her heartbeat, fast but steady. My fingers come behind her neck and I cup her head. She lets it fall on my shoulder, exhausted, as if it’s too heavy. I close my eyes tightly as I rest my chin on the top of her head.

“You’re safe,” I tell her. “I could have lost you today, but I didn’t. You’re safe.”

“I’m so stupid,” she repeats, her voice trembling.

“You shaved off ten years of my life.”

“We’re even then,” she sniffles, and I vaguely remember her telling me the same thing when I had my panic attack. But this is not the same.

This is serious. There is something wrong here, deeply wrong, and I am way out of my depth. I am deeply ill-equipped to deal with whatever this is.

“Your heart is beating like crazy,” she says.

“I’m scared out of my mind. I just can’t believe how you… Help me understand here, Eden. How did this happen? How did you get to be standing on the median of a high-speed highway? You were a second away from being killed. Were youtryingto… to get yourself killed?” The minute I say it, I want to take it back.

This freezing-cold fear seizes me and I can’t draw breath.

Not her, I think.She’s no coward. She wouldn’t.

But the fact that I’m not sure; the fact that I wondered even for a second scares me so badly I can barely speak.

“Talk to me, Eden,” I say as calmly as I can. “I’m still on that highway, watching you stranded in a sea of cars. I thought I’d never get you out of there alive. Tell me… Holy—Eden, tell me what happened.”

“I didn’t know…” She stops. Her cheeks, even her ears have gone deep red. “I was walking and I suddenly found myself in there and I couldn’t get out. I guess I took a wrong turn.”

“Where were you going?” I ask her.

“Nowhere. Exploring,” she replies. “I’m not used to…” she lets the phrase trail off. “I didn’t calculate correctly… I’m sorry. It’s so stupid.”

“Look at me.” I tip up her head until she is looking up at me. “I’ve never been more scared in my life. But what happened was definitely not stupid.”

She starts shaking, the delayed response to the shock, and I get scared that she is going to faint on me again. I crush her in my arms, frantically repeating over and over:

“You’re ok, you’re ok.”

“I don’t want to die,” she whimpers, voice muffled against my shirt.

“What?”

“I thought… He said I’d die if I went out. And now it’s happening.”

I don’t even understand what she is talking about.Who said…?

“Open your eyes, look at me. I’m here.” I smooth the hair away from her clammy forehead. “I won’t let you die, ok? If you die, I’ll stop existing, so that’s not something I will ever allow to happen.”

She doesn’t say anything, so after a few minutes, I peel back into traffic. We pick up speed, and I can feel her stop breathing next to me. I look at her, taking my eyes off the road for a second, and then I have to I turn the wheel quickly to avoid an oncoming car. I swear softly under my breath. I need to concentrate on the road, and once we’re safely out of the highway, I can focus on her. But that’s not easy, seeing as I want to drop everything and press her into my chest until the image of her white face in a sea of cars stops haunting me.

Spoiler alert: It never will.

“I will slow down soon, I swear,” I try to reassure her. “I won’t be driving so fast in a minute, once I find our exit.”

“As long as you’re ok driving at the speed of light,” she murmurs, still sounding kind of breathless.

I smile.If she’s ok enough to crack jokes, then she’s going to be fine.I hope.

“You should see how fast I drove to get to you,” I say and she inhales sharply. “Don’t worry, I’m used to crazy driving,” I add quickly. “My brother drives like a maniac.”

“How old is your brother again?”

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