Page 38 of Haunt Me

Eden’s Old Phone

Eden: It’s started. It’s happening. The punishment.

F: How do you mean?

Eden: I’m dying. It’s my punishment for disobeying Father. He told me this would happen, and it is happening.

Eden: You wanna know what the worst part of it is?

Eden: I’m still going to defy him and sneak out. I don’t care.

Eden: If I’m dying, I might as well die.

F: What’s wrong with you? How do you know for sure you’re dying? Are you sick?

Eden: I think I must be. Everything hurts so much I can barely straighten my body. I was in a crouch on my bed in agony all last night. When I woke up, there was…

F:What?

Eden: I can’t even say it.

Eden: I’m so scared.

F: You need to talk to someone. What if you reallyaredying?

Eden: It definitely hurts like dying, but it’s been going on for days. Wouldn’t I be dead by now? I don’t know. Maybe it’s still coming.

Eden: And you know that there is no one to talk to.

eleven

Another vicious panic attack.

This one feels almost lethal. It’s probably because I wasn’t paying attention. I have been spending so much time in Eden’s calming presence that I have forgotten about the void of emptiness that lurks inside of me.

When I leave her and sneak up to my room at night, it feels that I am still with her.

When I look at my bed, I don’t see all the sleepless nights I’ve spent on it: I see the pillow where she slept that one time. When I take off my clothes, I don’t think of how hands that were not my mom’s dressed my dad’s body after they took him away. Instead, I bury my nose in my blazer and smell her shampoo, its scent seeped into the sleeve from all the hours she spent lying on my lap, reading her book.

Eden keeps me safe from the painful memories, the excruciating thoughts. Maybe that’s why when they do come back out of the blue, they eviscerate me.

Well, nearly.

It’s the hat that does it. Who would have thought, a hat? But up here during the winter, a winter hat can make the difference between surviving or freezing to death. I have so many I always pick one at random to wear. All that matters is that my ears are covered when the cold gets vicious. Today, it’s around 20 degrees, and everyone suddenly scrambles for heavy coats, boots and scarves.

I fumble in my closet for a winter hat, and my fingers blindly brush against the familiar feel of scratchy wool. I freeze.No, it can’t be.

What is Dad’s winter hat doing among my things?

I persuade myself there’s no chance it’s his, and I pull it out.

The minute I see it, I fall apart.

I half-stumble, half-run away from my room, struggling to breathe. My steps take me to the forest, to our spot, like the first day I met her. I see her in the distance, as my lungs are about to collapse inwards. I see her through the haze of pain.

My girl is here, I think instinctively, before I can stop my stupid brain from thinking of her as ‘my’ and ‘girl’. It’s too late, I’ve already thought it.Eden is here. Noweverything will get better. Now I’ll breathe.

Except I don’t.

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