“Ok, listen, maybe you don’t think I saved your life, but I’ll tell you what is definitely true: you saved mine,” I tell her gently. “I don’t know what kind of diet you’ve been doing, but as for me, I wasn’t eating before I met you. At all. I started eating and sleeping and in general… living after I met you.”
“How ironic,” she says. I don’t think she understood me. Or if she did, I’m not sure what she means, but I go on:
“I started being interested in life after I met you.”
“Same here.”
I go completely still. I wasn’t expecting this. “You…youwere not interested in life?”
“I was, but there was nothing interesting in it to be interested in. Does that make sense?”
“It does not. And it also does.”
“I am so bad at explaining it, but trust me,” she says, finally turning to face me fully. “There was no life before you. There barely is now, but it’s different. There was nothing before you. Well, apart from books, of course. They are always worth living for.”
She tries to laugh, but I don’t join her. A chill runs down my spine.‘They are always worth living for.’I always admired how much she loves books, but… This is just wrong.
“In any case,” she adds quickly, watching me as the color drains from my face.Keep it together. Don’t let her see how much you’re freaking out.“Thanks.”
I shake my head.
“No. It’s the other way around.” The words come out in this thick, emotional voice that I hate. I clear my throat once, twice. “Ioweyou. I need to save your life now that you’ve saved mine.”
That was so not smooth. Like, at all. But I said it anyway. I wanted to say it.
“Being dramatic is your forte, I see.” She is smiling now.
“I thought I might as well lean into it, right?” We both laugh. We’ve gotten into the rhythm of it. Talking and laughing. And breathing. That last one is important.
I get up, shaking a little.
“Where are you going?” she asks me, suddenly sounding scared.
“You’re vulnerable right now and I…” I am not sure I can trust myself, is what I want to say. “I should leave, go crash in the hallway. No one will see me.”
“Don’t leave me alone here.”
“I won’t.”
She falls asleep in my arms a minute or two later, without even getting under the covers. I just hold her as tightly and as carefully as I can. I’m shaking as I hold her, and I silently vow to myself to make sure she’s fed and taken care of every time I see her. She didn’t want to thank me for saving her, but I know I did. I just don’t know from what.
All I know is that there is something seriously wrong going on at her home, but she won’t tell me what. All I know about her is that reading books is her one escape, and that she has no mom.
Which is enough to make my heart break all over again.
I don’t know when I fall asleep next to her, our heads together, our bodies curled around each other’s, keeping each other warm and alive. All I know is that early the next morning, when I groggily open my eyes and find her still in my arms, I feel different. Iamdifferent.
This is it. The minute I wake up, I know it’s happened.
I’m hers now.
Eden’s Old phone
Eden: So turns out I got really lucky last night.
F: Do you mean alive?
Eden: Whatever, I would have woken up eventually. I’ve fainted before.