Page 208 of Haunt Me

Not after she said my name.

Not after she trembled as she said it.

Not after I trailed my fingers up her leg and she let me.

The minute I touch her dress again, I’m tearing it to a thousand pieces, and I’m exploring her bare skin. I want nothing between us, not even cloth. And then… I won’t be able to stop. Then, it will be over.

And it can’t be over. It’s our first date in New York. I can’t afford to lose control with her, I can’t afford to follow my urges. I can’t lose her—and I just might if I do this before she’s ready. Before I’m ready.

“Eden, I…”

I pull away slightly, just to meet her eyes for a second. They tell me all I need to know. They look unsure. Wide with pleasure, full of trust, but just a tiny bit unsure.

This is it. I just stop. I stop moving, I stop kissing her. I stop breathing.

I let things go too far. Please don’t let me have ruined this already. Please let me be able to pull myself together.I can’t. I have to. I can’t.

Am I past the point of no return? I don’t care if I am, I willpull. Myself. Back.

“I need to go, baby,” I say, turning my head to the side.

“Do you not want to—?”

I have to interrupt her this second, because her voice is starting to get scared and small again. And it hasn’t been like that for the entire evening. Definitely not while she was saying my name a moment ago.

“Oh, I want to,” I tell her, heat still sizzling in my voice. My brain has ordered me to stop, but my body hasn’t gotten the memo. “You know how much I want to. You saw me almost fall apart several times tonight, in this car. I wantyou, Eden, I want you. Is there any question about that?”

She looks down. Smiles.

I pull her face up to me with a finger under her chin.

“But I can wait until you are ready,” I tell her. “Right now, you aren’t, but you will be. And when you are: I. Will. Have. Waited.”

She just looks at me, her cheeks on fire, her lips ruined by mine. The neckline of her dress pulled askew. I reach out to fix it, and I go all hot and melting again. A moan escapes me—I try to swallow it.

I need to get out of here, right now.

“Understood?” I ask her in a strangled voice.

“Yes,” she replies.

“Good.”

I step out into the biting cold wind and close the car’s door softly behind me.

You did the right thing, I tell myself. I do not trust myself around her, so this was the right thing.Let’s give it time. Let’s not destroy it.

This, right now, might feel like dying, but it was the right thing. It was the right thing, even if it killed you.

The one thing worse than leaving her right now would be to lose her.

And I can’t risk that.

…

A few days later, I fly out most of my crew out to New York.

It’s time to announce my new album, if I’m to release it in February, so there are a few days of intense work ahead of us: We are preparing the announcement. It will coincide with the drop of thePierce Mesingle, so for the next few days, it’s meetings back to back for me. But every night, I take Eden out.

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