Page 144 of Haunt Me

I tried to lose myself almost every evening on the way back

So I could have a good excuse

Not to get back into that house

But I always found my way home

‘Home’, well. It was the only thing I knew

Might as well have been the gate of Hades

Might as well have been a cell.

After I had lost everything,

I tried to lose the memory of you as well,

I thought, how hard can it be?

And then, you began to sing.

Want to talk about piercing hearts?

Want to talk about how it feels to have your heart pierced?

It feels like seeing you kiss girls for years

Girls who weren’t me

Girls who haven’t set foot in a forest

Girls who never stared a monster in the eye

Girls who never snuck out to meet you in our woods

Instead of losing myself, I lost you

But no, I’m lying again, I never did.

Turns out you can’t lose something

You never had.

I tried getting myself lost

I fought against getting myself lost

I desired getting myself lost

I failed at getting myself lost

Turns out I couldn’t lose something

I had already lost.

thirty-one

Mom and James leave early to catch their own flights.

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