Page 132 of Haunt Me

In a long time

So I felt it more until I felt less.

I replay the day in my head

Like footage from a documentary

(I still haven’t watched the one on TV

Just the one in my head, you know,

The real one)

And it’s always as if it’s happening to somebody else

The lies, the betrayal, the shouting

The starving, the bullying, the sinning

The shot that rang out in the air

And then I was free

And then I didn’t know what to do

I hadn’t been taught anything else to do except to

Become smaller and smaller.

Maybe this was the final test you would ever give me

Maybe I had to prove I had learned everything you had ever taught me

Maybe I had to show I knew how to become

Smaller and smaller

So smaller and smaller I became

(Even though you weren’t there anymore to make me

But I had learned my lesson well

After all these years)

And smaller and smaller

Until I was no longer there.

I am sad that my little nephew will never meet

The girl I was supposed to have become.

I am sad that the version of me the singer boy got

Was the haunted one, the ghost.

I am sad that every single person who meets me from now on

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