Page 53 of Now Comes the Dark

“Mallon, please. Just spit it out. I don’t know what reaction you expect from me, but I can promise you, it won’t be as bad as what you’ve built up in your head.” He moved his hand acrossthe table and brushed his fingers across Mallon’s. “Tell me. You’ll feel better afterwards.”

“I hope you will feel the same.” His words were barely above a whisper. Mallon took another breath and reached into his jacket to remove his wallet. He glanced at Roman again, seeming to struggle in his search for words. “There’s a reason I return to France as often as I do.” He opened the wallet and slid it across the table.

Roman picked it up. There was a small, plastic window inside, the place most people store their driver’s licence or ID cards. In Mallon’s wallet there was a photograph of two children…a boy and a girl. Roman was terrible at guessing kids’ ages, but they looked to be around nine or ten. There was no mistaking who they belonged to. With thick, almost-black hair and startling grey eyes, they were the image of their father.

“This is what you were afraid of telling me? How did you think I would react? You have children. It’s not that unusual. I had a boyfriend in the past who was a father, too.” He looked at him compassionately. “You go home to see them when you can. I admire you for that.”

Mallon chewed his lip, tension still etched across his face. Roman realised this wasn’t everything.

Ah. Of course.

“You’re still with their mother. Right?”

Mallon couldn’t meet his eyes. His lack of reply answered the question.

His aloofness, the curt behaviour when they’d met, suddenly made sense. Roman saw the history of their relationship from a distance, as though having an out-of-body experience. Mallon hadn’t been all French and mysterious as Roman had assumed. He was a married man, keeping a secret while he played away in a foreign country.Jesus. Roman had slept with married guys in the past, so why had he been unable to read the signs this time?Because I thought this was different. I thought this was more than just a one-off fuck.

He closed the wallet and slipped it back towards Mallon, who stared into his wine glass.

“How long have you been married?”

Mallon started to speak but his words choked. He coughed and cleared his throat. “Thirteen years.”

Heat crept across Roman’s face. Suddenly his head was pounding, and the room closed in around him. “And the children? How old are they?”

Mallon finally raised his eyes. His expression was ghastly. He might be just another man on the make for sex while working away, but he clearly had a hard time with it.

“Carole is eleven,” he said. “Mathis is nine.” He took a long drink of wine. “It’s not what you think.”

“That’s what all married men say, isn’t it? When they’ve been stringing someone along. ‘It’s not what you think.’”

“No.” His voice was sharp, drawing attention from the other diners. He leaned forward, lowering his tone. “I’m not like that. Whatever you think of me, it was never that. The reason I’m telling you this now is because…”

“What? You never expected to develop feelings for me?”

Mallon closed his eyes, inhaled through his nose. “That’s right. I didn’t expect to fall in love with you. That’s what makes this so difficult. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I didn’t expect to fall in love with you.” The words took the sting out of Roman’s anger. He didn’t know how to reply. He’d known there was a powerful connection between them, but he never suspected Mallon’s emotions were so deep.

“I love my children,” Mallon continued. “I loved their mother once, too. Betrice. But marriage was a mistake…a big one. That is not the fault of the children. They shouldn’t suffer for what their parents did. I knew I was bisexual when I met Betrice. It didn’tseem so important back then. I thought I could be happy with her, and when the children were born, I was, for a while. Betrice is a complicated woman. She’s not a home maker. She likes to socialise—the parties and nightlife, long weekends at beach resorts. She was the first to break our marriage vows. And when I found out she had, it gave me permission to do the same.”

Mallon took another drink and composed himself. “As I got older, the attraction I had for other men grew stronger. I still consider myself bisexual, but perhaps the balance has shifted. So, while Betrice had her cocktail party lovers, I began to have men on the side, too. I discovered that other men are willing to engage in uncomplicated sexual liaisons, especially men with similar secrets to keep—no ties, no commitments, just a casual exchange.”

Roman’s mouth was dry. He licked his lips and took a drink of beer. There was so much to process here. “You have been married thirteen years, unhappily by the sound of it. Why do you stay together if you both want different things?”

“For the children.”

“Is that enough? What good can it do them if their parents are so distant.”

“They don’t know. They won’t know for a long time. Betrice is many things, but she is a good mother. We maintain the façade for the sake of Carole and Mathis. We have an understanding that we will preserve the marriage until Mathis is in college.”

“That’s insane.” The words were out of Roman’s mouth before he could stop them.

“Insane? Perhaps. Tell me, are your parents together? Are they happy?”

“Yes.”

“Then you appreciate the importance of a stable family, of a committed mother and father. I will not let my children grow up without that secure base. It is everything.”

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