Page 92 of Leave

He shook his head slowly. “It’s in Seattle. Even if I stayed on-campus, I’d only be like twenty miles from home.”

“Shit,” I breathed.

“Yeah. So I quit the team and focused on getting ready for basic.” He rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. “Leann didn’t stop, though.”

Ice crackled along my spine. “She didn’t?”

“No. Even though I’d quit the team, I still went to the party at the end of the season.” He swallowed hard. “So did she. And I… I’m still not even sure how, but she got me alone again. I was still out of it that time, but not as bad. It’s, um… That night is why I don’t drink tequila.”

“She got you drunk?”

“I was a little drunk already,” he admitted. “But I do remember she gave me a drink that night. Something with tequila in it. And the way it hit me, I’m pretty sure it was more than tequila.”

“Holy fuck,” I whispered.

“Yeah. She, um… I was so freaked out that time that I couldn’t get it up, and she was like, ‘yeah, Gumby definitely fits you.’ And that’s when I realized why she’d been using the name ever since the first time—I think with whatever she had me on, I either couldn’t get it up or couldn’tkeepit up.” His cheeks darkened as he stared at the floor between us. “I guess I couldn’t keep it up. Because I know… I mean, the…” He paused, lips twisting with disgust. “The sex definitelyhappenedboth times.”

Jesus Christ, I was going to be sick.

“Then she got serious with Andrew,” he whispered. “And… fuck. I couldn’t get away from her. I told her to stay away from my brother, tried to talk him out of dating her, but…” He shook his head. “Andrew just thought I was jealous, and that was when Leann cornered me up and told me she’d tell everyone I’d raped her if I ever breathed a word of it. I tried to tell him anyway, but…” He raked a shaky hand through his short hair. “He just wouldn’t listen.”

“Did it happen again after that?” I asked cautiously. “After they started dating?”

“Yeah. They went out one night—partying while our parents were out of town. I assume they were partying, because Andrew was pretty hungover the next morning. Anyway, she spent the night at the house with him. I didn’t know she was even there—I was asleep before they came home.” He shifted, his expression sick and miserable. “I went to bed, then woke up in the middle of the night with her…” He trailed off, raking a shaky hand through his hair. “I don’t even know how she got past the lock on my bedroom door, but… She got in, and we—well, I was sober then, so things… worked.”

His face colored. Mine was probably as white as the walls by now. Jesus.

“Before she left,” he went on, “she said, ‘I knew you’d get it up for me eventually.’” He dropped his face into his hands and swore, then slid his hands to the back of his neck, pressing his elbows into his thighs. “God, I have never felt more disgusting in my life.”

I chafed my arms. “Holy shit.

He wiped a hand over his face, and he sounded exhausted as he said, “The last time was after she and Andrew were married.”

“Are you—” I sputtered. “Are you serious?”

He nodded slowly. “I came home for the holidays after my combat tour, and my folks rented a cabin for the week of Christmas and New Year’s. Invited the whole family.” He swiped at his eyes again. “That time she didn’t wait until the middle of the night.”

My teeth snapped together. “Oh shit.”

“She told me she knew she’d gotten under my skin and that’s why I’d missed their wedding. Which—I was in Afghanistan, you know? It wasn’t like I had a choice. But she was just convinced I’d volunteered or something just to avoid their wedding. Sowhen she finally got me alone…” He waved a hand as if to say,do the math. “She told me the whole time we were—the whole time it was happening that if I didn’t do everything she wanted, she’d scream, and who were they going to believe was the rapist? The woman, or the Marine who was twice her size?” Lifting his head, he looked at me with tears glittering on his lashes. “So what else could I do? And we—she fucking did it with my entire family, including her husband, down the hall in the living room. I was terrified we were going to get caught because they’d all immediately blame me. She was right—who the fuck was going to believe me? So I… I went through with it because I was too scared not to.”

“Oh my God.” I couldn’t take the distance anymore, and I crossed the narrow distance to sit beside him on the bed and clasp his hand in mine. “Nolan. Jesus Christ…”

“That’s the last time it’s ever happened, thank God,” he croaked. “Mostly because I’ve stayed away as much as I can. She still fucks with my head, though.”

“I noticed,” I gritted out.

He was silent for a moment. Then, “You want to know what the worst part is about that last time?”

My stomach dropped. “It getsworse?”

He coughed a humorless laugh. “With this clown car of bullshit? Trust me—it gets worse.”

I stared at him, wondering what could possibly be coming.

Nolan exhaled. “The timing—and she’s made sure to never let me forget this…” He rubbed his eyes. “There’s a possibility Zoe—their oldest—is my daughter.”

My stomach threatened to surge up my throat. “Holy shit.”

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