Page 28 of Leave

After a moment, he shook his head. “I’d rather…” He nodded toward the other room.

All the years of practice pretending to be fine with my parents’ bullshit served me well; I kept a perfectly placid expression and tone that didn’t betray any hurt or confusion. “Okay. I’ll see you in the morning, then.”

He searched my eyes as if he expected some kind of argument. And yeah, there were several arguments I wanted to make.

But I wasn’t going to beg him to stay. I didn’t go where I wasn’t wanted, and I didn’t want someone here who didn’t want to be with me.

“We can figure out our hotels along the way tomorrow,” I said. “We’ve got time, so… no rush making plans, right?”

He nodded as he got up, probably unaware of how obvious his relief was in the set of his shoulders and the easing tension in his features. “Okay. Yeah. We’ll figure it out. Maybe over breakfast.”

“Sounds good. Text me when you’re up?”

“Will do.”

And then…

He was gone.

The door clicked shut behind him.

Alone, I pressed back against the headboard. When the door to the next room opened, then closed, I swore into the stillness. Nothing drove home what I was to him like him leaving after sex like a hookup heading out to catch an Uber.

Sometimes I wondered if there was a chance this thing between us would tip over into something beyond friends whoknew how to get each other off. But then he’d remind me exactly where I stood with him.

I’d wondered more than once if Nolan was aromantic. I’d thought he might just be rigid about only getting into situationships while he was overseas.

Maybe I was just a roommate with benefits. Or maybe he just wasn’t that into me.

There were moments when I thought hemightbe that into me, though, and not just tonight when he’d finally kissed me or today when he’d backed my dad down with a look. It was things like that comment he’d made about growing his hair out after his “boyfriend” said he liked high-and-tights. He could’ve just been saying it to plant the seeds in my parents’ minds that we were a real couple, but… I really had said I loved high-and-tights, and he really had transitioned to one shortly after.

And there was that night when I’d raved about how he’d grilled steaks, and suddenly he’d started cooking for both of us more often. Not just simple meals out of a can or box, either; it was like once I let on that I liked his cooking, he’d started breaking out the more creative dishes and those recipes he never usually made for anyone but himself. His from-scratch carrot cake was absolutely sinful, and…

And he always made it without walnuts.

I’d never asked him to, and he’d never said a word about it, but one of the thing I’d loved about his carrot cake was the absence of walnuts. Was that how he always made it? Or was it because I’d made an offhand comment that I thought it was a crime to ruin baked goods by adding walnuts to them?

I stared up at the hotel room ceiling. Was he giving off mixed messages? Or was I reading into things that weren’t there? Because making a cake without an ingredient I disliked and cutting his hair a certain way that I happened to find attractive didn’t change the fact that there was a wall between us. Morethan one, actually—figurative ones, but also, right now, a literal one. Because just like at home, we’d have amazing sex, and then… he’d leave. Every time.

The insistence on separate rooms—at home or traveling—was both frustrating and confusing. This time, I had to admit that it hurt, too. I was too fucking raw right now because I’d just dropped the hammer on going no-contact with my family, and I was still reeling from that, and fuck me but Icravedphysical affection tonight in ways I never had before. Or even just somecompany.

I still had friends in and around San Diego, but no one I’d stayed close enough to that I could call them up for this. I couldn’t drag my brother into the middle of it. And if I was honest, the only person whose company I wanted right now was the man who insisted on sleeping in the next room.

I rubbed my eyes and swore into the stillness.

This was how he wanted things, and I wouldn’t push him. I wouldn’t try to persuade him to do something he didn’t want to do, especially knowing there was something in his past he wasn’t talking about.

But my God, what I wouldn’t have given to spend the night beside him.

Especially tonight when I was so fucking alone.

Chapter 10

Nolan

Riley was on another planet the next morning.

We weren’t hitting the road today, so we weren’t in any hurry to get moving. We’d been lounging for a solid hour and a half at the restaurant across the street from our hotel. Long after we’d finished breakfast, we were still here, working on our fiftieth cups of coffee.

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