Page 121 of Leave

“Probably… Probably shouldn’t fuck.” He dug his nails into my skin. “But anything you want—tell me how to make you feel good.”

His comment that we shouldn’t fuck clashed against a few thoughts; at first I was disappointed and even a little annoyed. Why was he dismissing it outright? But I caught up quickly. It had been a rough night. Relaxing enough to take him? Probably not going to happen. And this definitely wasn’t the time for meto try topping him again. Not with all my demons still growling in my ear.

“We don’t have to fuck,” I said against his throat. “Just… Just want…” I couldn’t finish that, and kept kissing up and down the side of his neck. From the little whimper, he was good with that. I grazed my sore cheekbone across his skin, but I didn’t care. I was too caught up in doing everything I could think of to make Riley feel good.

I didn’t give a damn if I came. Not now, not ever. I felt amazing even while I felt horrible, and everything I did made Riley gasp and moan, which chased away more and more of the horrible feelings. I stayed on top of him, and we made out as we both stroked each other. Neither of us was pumping fast or hard—not yet—this was just slow and easy, our hands falling into sync with each other.

The nights of jerking each other off or blowing each other, fully dressed without kissing, seemed like little more than a fever dream now. I couldn’t imagine being this close to Riley with barriers between us. I wanted his hot skin against mine, and I craved his perfect, mind-blowing kisses.

“This good?” he asked breathlessly.

“Y-yeah. I have no idea if I can come…” I paused just to find some damn air. “But this… this feels so damn good.”

“There’s no pressure,” he panted. “I just want you to feel good.”

I squeezed my eyes shut and buried my face against his neck. Though it didn’t seem possible tonight, Ididfeel good. God, I so did. Awful, too, but somehow that sharp edge of pain made the bliss even better. As if there was a reminder, front and center, of something bad just to drive home how good this was.

Before long, we were falling into a familiar rhythm, our movements fast and frantic, our breathing sharp and rapid. Riley arched under me, fingers digging into my shoulder as hethrust into my hand. I hadn’t thought an orgasm was on the table for me, but as he started to unravel under me—oh, hell, I was going to lose it, too, and just imagining coming all over him had me on a hair trigger.

“Oh God,” he whispered shakily. “You’re gonna make me come.”

“Yeah?”

“Uh-huh. Keep…” He gasped and thrust harder into my hand. “Fuck, Nolan, just like that, just like that…”

If he said something else, I didn’t catch it because I was suddenly there, unloading into his hand and onto his stomach as a strangled cry escaped my throat. Riley’s whimper and the way his whole body jerked under mine only drove me on, and for a few perfect seconds, nothing existed except release and perfection.

With a long, blissed out sigh, I relaxed over the top of him, though I was careful to let him breathe. “Jesus Christ, I needed that.”

“Me too.”

I touched my forehead to his. “I love you, Riley.”

He trailed his fingers down the back of my neck. “I love you too.”

Then I sank all the way down, once again burying my face against his shoulder, and he wrapped his arms around me and held me. I didn’t care that he had cum on his hand; we’d shower in a minute. Right now, I just needed this—being wrapped up in him while we shut out everything that wasn’t us.

Tonight had been hell. My secret had come out in the worst way at the worst time. There would still be fallout from that, and my family would never be the same again.

But somehow, I’d landed here.

Somehow, this man loved me.

And somehow, he wasn’t letting me go.

Chapter 31

Riley

Nolan slept on my shoulder for the longest time. After so many months of keeping so much distance between us for so long, and after never so much as sharing the same bed with me, he was holding me close now. Even while he was asleep, the arm he had across my midsection was firm and strong.

My left arm had long since fallen asleep, and I was starting to get a cramp in my hip from not moving. I stayed still, though. It was a genuine miracle Nolan could sleep right now, and I wasn’t about to disturb him.

I had no idea if the sex had helped, or if sleep was helping. Whatcouldhelp in a situation like this? Short of taking him to one of the dispensaries we’d laughed at the other day and then hoping neither of us got tested at work any time soon, I couldn’t think of anything that would make him genuinely feel better. Sex, weed, alcohol, sleep—those were all short-term solutions. Whatever fallout his revelations had on his family or on him, I suspected it would all last longer than any substance or escape could ever hope to.

For now, I just kissed the top of his head and let him sleep.

I was starting to doze off again myself when someone knocked at the door. I tensed, though Nolan didn’t move.

---