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He looked at me with wet eyes. “That’s easy to say. In practice…”

I winced. I wanted to tell him that wasn’t the case, but obviously in his experience, it was. And hadn’t I met and dated plenty of men who had barely any tolerance for a boyfriend with any kind of baggage or trauma? I’d been dumped before because the guy hadn’t wanted to deal with the headache of a partner whose parents didn’t accept his queerness. Another couldn’t cope with my very moderate PTSD from the combat tour I’d completedthree monthsbefore I met him.

So, yeah, unfortunately, I could believe that someone who’d been through what Nolan had would struggle to connect with people. Not because there was a damn thing wrong with him, but because way too many people could seriously be assholes.

Nolan took a deep breath and asked, “Remember how we met?”

“Of course.”

He wrung his hands. “I didn’t ask for someone to stay with her around the clock because I thought she’d steal from me or because I thought she’d feel safer. I mean, yeah, Ididwant her to feel as safe as possible, but the truth is…” He worked his jaw. “I’m the one who didn’t feel safe.”

My lips parted. “What do you mean?”

“I mean I can’t be alone with women. Especially one-on-one. It’s…” He shook his head.

“It’s how your rapist got to you,” I said hollowly.

The way he winced was an utter gut punch. So was his soft admission of, “Yeah. It is.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I know up here”—he touched his temple—“that she’s a fucking psycho and the odds of another woman trying to do the same thing to me are pretty slim. But when I’m alone with a woman…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “It’s terrifying for reasons I can’texplain to anyone. Anyone except you.” His eyes begged me not to judge him, not to repeat any of this, not to laugh at him.

The only thing I was in danger of doing in that moment was sprinting into the bathroom to violently heave.

He dropped his gaze. “I’ve tried to tell myself for a long time that I’m overreacting. I mean, it’s not like she put a gun to my head or threatened me with a knife or something. I could’ve stopped her. Physically. But in the moment…” He scrubbed a hand over his face.

“Well, you were asleep in one instance, and quite possibly drugged in two others.”

“Not always, though.”

“Right, but she was threatening and blackmailing you. Baby, remember, I’ve literally been trained in what constitutes sexual assault. I will never forget one of my instructors saying a rapist doesn’t even have to raise their voice. Coercion isn’t consent.”

That seemed to jostle something in him, and he worked his jaw as he wrung his hands. “The last time,” he went on, speaking so softly I barely heard him, “she told me that since I not only got it up, I got off, that was proof that I wanted it.” He sighed and shook his head. “I know that’s a lie. I know it is. But it still got into my head, you know? And then for a long time after that, I couldn’t get it up or get off with people Ididwant, so…” He threw up a hand. “What the fuck do I know?”

“Itisa lie,” I said. “Getting hard and coming are not consent. Women can even come during an assault. Still doesn’t make it any less rape.”

The word made him wince. “I fucking hate this. And I hate that you know. I never wanted anyone to know, but…” He swiped at his eyes. “Carrying it alone fucking sucked.”

“I bet it did.” I took his hand in both of mine and looked right in his eyes. “For the record, I believe you. Completely. And I don’t think any less of you because of it. What she did to youwas fucking terrible, and whatever boundaries and triggers you have because of that—I respect them, okay? I want you to be safe with me. If there’s something you want us to do that pushes your limits, I’m in, but I’m also totally fine with backing off if it’s too much. I want you to enjoy being with me, not feel like you’re in a minefield.”

By the time I was finished, he had tears rolling down his face, and he avoided my gaze with an expression I recognized all too well—a man who really hated someone seeing him cry.

I let go of his hand and pulled him in. “Nothing leaves this room, okay? I promise. And nothing we do or don’t do is a deal breaker.” I smoothed his hair as he trembled against me. “I just want you to be safe.”

“I am,” he whispered unsteadily. “With you.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, not even caring that a few hot tears of my own slipped free. “You’re completely safe with me. I promise.”

He sighed, leaning into me. “You have no idea how many guys think that’s unattractive and not masculine.”

“I don’t care what they think. There’s nothing unattractive about you, and anyone who thinks you’re unmasculine hasn’t seen you in your utilities.”

That, thank God, made him chuckle. Letting me go, he sat up and wiped his eyes.

“Thank you,” he murmured. “For letting me get all this out. It sucks to talk about, but…”

“You’re welcome.” I studied him. “How do you want to handle things going forward?”

He looked at me with sudden panic in his eyes. “What do you mean?”

“The wedding? Everything leading up to it? As much as I’d love for us to avoid her for the rest of this trip, that probably won’t be possible.”

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