Page 86 of Leave

We shuffled down the hall, and we reached my room first. I hesitated, holding my keycard but not touching the door.

Riley rocked on his feet. “Do you, um…” He tilted his head toward his own door and raised his eyebrows. “Should I go…”

“I, uh…” I stared down at the ugly carpet as heat rose in my face. I wanted us to get naked and go nuts until I couldn’t think anymore, but I knew my body wouldn’t cooperate. Not this time. Not while I wanted to climb out of my own skin. “I can’t really promise much, but if you want to come in for a little while…”

“You don’t have to do anything.”

I held his gaze, and his eyes backed up his comment.

Without another word, I touched the card to the reader and let us inside. As I shut the door behind us, that grossed-out feeling intensified. As if now that I was close to a shower and clean clothes, I needed to scrub away tonight. Likenow.

“I don’t want to do anything,” I said cautiously, “but I could really use a shower after tonight. Do, um… Do you want to join me?”

Past experience had me bracing for a scoff and“Oh, yeah, let’s get naked but not do anything. Blue balls sounds like a great way to cap off the night.”

But Riley nodded. “Yeah, that sounds good.” He tugged at his shirt and wrinkled his nose. “I’m sweaty and gross anyway—that place was hot as hell, and not in a fun way.”

I laughed, more with relief than anything. “Yeah. It was.”

We stripped off our clothes without any fanfare, and we stepped into the small shower. For a moment, I regretted asking him to join me; I wanted to blast the hottest water I could stand, but I didn’t want to scald him.

But then he was spreading soap across my back. His touch was gentle. Not groping, not trying to spin me up—just a soft touch that was more comforting than I’d anticipated. Of course, I returned the favor, and when he turned his back to the water to rinse off, he put his hands on my waist and pulled me in close.

“This okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, it’s fine.” I wrapped my arms around him. The words“Why wouldn’t it be?”almost came, but I caught up. He knew I wasn’t feeling it tonight; he was probably making sure this wasn’t pushing it. “It’s good,” I said, and pulled him a little closer. “I like it.”

He smiled and dusted a light kiss across my lips. Then he rested his head on my shoulder, and we just… stood there.

And oh, fuck, I liked it. My dick stirred a little, and I thought his did too, but he seemed to understand, same as I did, that that was just a physical response. He wasn’t going to push for anything sexual any more than I was.

I hated that we weren’t having sex right now. I wanted him thrusting into me, fucking me into oblivion so I forgot all about everything else.

But this…

Standing here with nothing but the sound of the shower, holding each other while I stroked his wet hair… was perfect.

“You okay?” he asked.

I closed my eyes and exhaled. “Yeah. Just… a lot on my mind after tonight.” I cringed inwardly. Jesus. That was just asking for him to try to get the truth out of me, wasn’t it?

But he just slid his hands up my back and lifted his head to meet my eyes. “Anything you want to tell me about?”

“No,” I said quickly. “No, it’s…” I shook my head. “I’d rather not think about anything else tonight.”

Riley quirked his lips, and I could see the questions in his eyes, but thank God, he let them go. The curiosity and concern had to be killing him by this point, but he always seemed to know when to back off.

You can trust him,a little voice in my head whispered.You should tell him.

The first part, yeah. The second? Well, I’d already been a coward tonight. Why not continue that trend by keeping my past to myself so Riley didn’t bail on me?

So I didn’t tell him. I didn’t say much of anything and neither did he. We took a long shower, dried off, and then lay in bed for a while, still not speaking. I hated this silence, but I was also grateful for it. Grateful forhim.

“Thanks for being there tonight,” I whispered.

“Don’t mention it.” He was quiet for a moment. “Think the cats have forgotten about us?”

The laugh that bubbled up was a relief after this long, miserable evening. “Nah. They’ll be thrilled when we get home.”

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