Page 66 of Leave

“Something like that.”

And Nolan wasn’t ready to tell me what exactly had happened or who’d done it. Maybe he never would be. Either way, I suspected it was why he didn’t like sharing a bed. That had nothing to do with me.

My empty bed and silent room, though, had everything to do with him.

My skin still burned faintly in all the places his stubbled jaw had scraped. My spine still tingled from that orgasm. My muscles still ached in that pleasant way they always did after a good roll in the hay and a bone-rattling release.

But the absence of his warm body against me and strong arms afterward felt wrong and miserable. I vacillated between feeling like he’d left me out in the cold, being seriously concerned about what he wasn’t telling me, and sometimes both at the same time. I was worried about him, and I resented him, and I felt guilty for my resentment, and I…

I was just a fucking mess for him.

Severing my relationship with my family was still an open wound, and I didn’t care if it made me pathetic—IneededNolan. I needed someone to hold me, tell me I was worth more than a couple of orgasms, and make me believe I wasn’t completely fucking alone in this world. If that made me unmanly or whatever—I didn’t care.

It was also selfish. There was something keeping Nolan’s guard up—something dark enough I was afraid to know the details—and I’d be an asshole to ask him to disregard his boundaries for my benefit.

I wouldn’t ask him to do that. I wouldn’t make him compromise anything or hold me up when he was clearly trying to weather something he didn’t want to talk about. I knew on every level that it was way bigger than us or my post-sex ache for affection. I knew that.

But alone in this bed, while I still hurt for my family and needed human contact more than anything else, I could quietly let all those emotions run their courses.

I’d respect his boundaries. Respect that this wasn’t about me.

But the distance between us right now still hurt like hell.

Yet again, I’d mostly shaken off the funk the next morning. Some sleep helped. A shower this morning didn’t hurt. Stepping out into the hallway as Nolan did the same—well, that brought back some of the discomfort, but I ignored it as best I could.

Somewhere between last night and this morning, as I’d stared up at the windows while the heater hummed and someone’s TV filtered through the walls, I’d made a decision. I was going to be whatever Nolan needed for the rest of this trip. If that meant sleeping alone after sex, then… fine. He was in a tough spot right now for reasons he didn’t seem to want to explain, and I didn’t want to pile on him.

When we got back to Okinawa, though, it was time for some uncomfortable conversations.

But that could wait. Step one, get through the rest of this trip, and that started with a big family shindig at his parents’ house today. I’d meet his brothers, including the one who was getting married, as well as a lot of other relatives who either lived locally or had come in for the wedding.

And that probably included, I thought with a curdling stomach, whoever had hurt Nolan in the past.

Yeah, our shit could definitely wait until we got back to Japan.

First things first—breakfast. There was a small restaurant across the parking lot from the hotel. A local pancake house kind of place that had probably been here as long as the hotel had. They weren’t too crowded and the food was decent, though I struggled to eat.

Last night was weighing on me like a heavy meal sitting in the pit of my stomach. So was the prospect of being in the same room as Nolan’s abuser. Ofhimbeing in the same room with his creepy uncle or who-the-fuck-ever.

From the way Nolan picked at his steak and eggs, he wasn’t in a great place right now either. Maybe I needed to feel him out a bit before we went over to his parents’ place.

“So, um…” I nudged at the French toast I’d mostly lost interest in. “Today. With your family.”

He raised his eyebrows and studied me uneasily. “Mmhmm?”

“I, uh…” I put my fork down and sat back. “Is there anything I should know upfront?”

Nolan swallowed hard. “Such as?”

A surge of impatience made me want to snap“You know damn well what I’m asking about.”I suspected that was frustration and lack of sleep talking. Even after fourteen years of military-induced sleep deprivation, I could still get bitchy when I was tired.

“I asked before we left Oki if…” I hesitated, trying to choose my words carefully. “Something obviously happened when you were younger. I guess I’m wondering if the person who did it will be there.”

Nolan dropped his gaze and shifted in his seat. I thought he might’ve lost some color, too.

“You don’t have to tell me details,” I clarified. “You don’t have to tell me anything. But… is there someone I should watch out for? Maybe beextracareful to not let them be alone with you?”

The twitchiness was a dead giveaway. My stomach twisted the more I watched him getting visibly uncomfortable by this line of conversation. I wanted to say never mind and let the subject drop, but we were about to be in the thick of things with his family. I needed to know what we were up against.

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