Page 41 of Leave

No, that wasn’t true. I had experienced it before—when I was on a flight back from a combat tour.

If walking away from my family felt like leaving a warzone, then I was pretty sure I’d made the right call.

And it was with that in mind that I drifted right back to sleep.

All things considered, I felt pretty good when I joined Nolan in the rental car later that morning. Some more sleep, a shower, and some coffee had left me feeling even more settled. While I was still sure therapy would be a good idea, I was confident I could get through the rest of this trip.

And nothing drove that feeling home like leaving San Diego even farther in the rearview.

I usually left my hometown feeling torn apart and furious, and on some level, I had this time too. It was just muted beneath the heavy, comforting calm of a fight being over. Of that “on the plane home from a combat tour” relief.

The more I thought about it, the more I concluded this was the difference between a fresh wound and one that had beencleaned and dressed—it still throbbed uncomfortably, but it was healing.

Yeah. I made the right decision.

As I drove us north, I rolled my shoulders and decided to look ahead, both figuratively and literally.

And what better way to distract myself from this awful funk than to focus on everything I wanted to do with the hot Marine riding shotgun? With a clearer head and a huge weight off my shoulders, I was all about concentrating on something more positive. Not to mention something sexy.

I glanced at him. He was watching the scenery go by, silent as he often was.

So… how to broach the subject? Do it now? Wait until later? Talk about it? Feel him out? That was a tall order when the memory of last night was so fresh and pornographic in my mind.

But with Nolan’s history, a potentially uncomfortable conversationwasnecessary if we were going to venture into uncharted territory.

After we’d driven for a while, I finally got the conversation rolling. “So. Last night.” I tried not to fidget, as if that might draw his attention to the front of my pants. I wasn’t completely hard, but my mind had been on him for a while now, and things were firming up enough down there that he might notice. I didn’t need that. Staring hard at—staringintentlyat the road, I asked, “Did you like it?”

“Yeah, I did.” Was he breathless? Or was I imagining things? “That whole between-the-thighs thing—I’ve never done that before.”

“Never?”

Nolan shook his head. “It was, um… It was hot, though.”

“It was. And don’t think I was putting pressure on you when I said I wanted to fuck you. I was just so turned on in the moment, and—”

“It’s okay,” he said softly. “It turned me on, too.”

“Did it?”

“Yeah. Like… a lot.” Nolan shifted around in the passenger seat, the click of his swallow audible even over the road noise. “I really do want us to fuck. Like, Ireallywant to.”

Oh, God. It was my turn for a hard swallow. “Yeah?” I stole a glance at him, and that blush almost made me run off the road. Facing the windshield again, I said, “I was, um, a little presumptuous in the heat of the moment. I should’ve asked—do you top? Bottom? Because I go either way.”

“Bottom.” The answer was firm and didn’t sound the least bit negotiable. I was relieved I hadn’t gone over a line when I’d told him I wanted to top him. At the same time, I’d been quietly hoping he was a top or at least vers, because that seemed safer to navigate, given the past he kept alluding to. I could work with this, though.

“Have you—uh…” I hesitated.

He glanced at me. “Have I bottomed before?”

Well, that seemed like as safe a place as any to get us on the subject, so I nodded.

“Yeah. It’s been a while, but… yeah.”

“How long?” I asked cautiously. He tensed beside me, so I quickly added, “Because it might make a difference, you know? When we’re prepping?”

“Oh. Okay, true.” He paused. “The last time was… four years ago, I think? Maybe five? It’s, um… It’s been a while.”

“Yeah? And you enjoyed it?” I didn’t know how else to ask if that was the encounter that had him so edgy about sex. Though he had said yesterday that it wasn’t a bad experience; still, couldn’t hurt to make sure we were on the same page.

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