Page 14 of Leave

Nolan didn’t mind, fortunately. Or if he did, he didn’t say anything.

Once I was sure I wasn’t going to forget which side of the road to drive on, and I was used to negotiating turns and staying between the lines while on the left side of the car, I got on the I-5 to head for my hometown.

At that point, I had to wonder if my “getting used to driving on the right” exercise had been, on a subconscious level, a way of stalling. Because as soon as I was on the freeway, apprehension started somersaulting in the pit of my stomach. Banging around in my head were the same questions I’d been asking myself for months—longer, honestly—but they were louder and more urgent now.

What if thisdidn’twork? What if seeing me with a boyfriend finally catapulted my parents from quietly disapproving and asking weird questions to telling me exactly how bad this was?

What if I actuallydidhave to follow through on my unspoken ultimatum?

I hadn’t told them this was do-or-die, but it was. It had to be. If this didn’t work, then I was out of ideas, out of patience, and out of…

Out of my family.

Fucking hell.

“Riley?” Nolan’s voice startled me out of my thoughts.

“Hmm?” I glanced at him. “Sorry, what?”

“You were slowing down.” He gestured at the speedometer. “You good?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m…” Shit, I was going fifty on the I-5. It was a genuine miracle no one had road-raged me yet. Accelerating up to the appropriate eighty-five miles an hour to go with the flow of traffic, I said, “Sorry. Was just thinking.”

“Yeah?” There was curiosity in his tone, but he didn’t press.

I didn’t want to talk about this. I didn’t want to think about it. And Nolan was posing as my boyfriend on this trip. That didn’t mean hewasactually my boyfriend. So I didn’t need to unload on him. I’d told him enough so he could be ready, so he wouldn’t be walking into this and get blindsided, but I wasn’t going to trauma dump on him any more than I already had.

So, I shifted the conversation, and I spent the drive pointing out various landmarks from my childhood, especially as we got closer to my hometown. My high school. The decrepit shopping mall where I’d had my first job back when the place was still in its heyday. The business park that now stood where there’d once been a diner that tolerated my friends and me until all hours of the night.

The familiar roads wound closer and closer to my old neighborhood, and before I knew it, we were here: parked in the flower-bed-lined driveway of my childhood home. In the front window, there was a service flag with a single blue star, and thesight of it made me wince. Mom probably still had her NAVY MOM bumper sticker, and Dad had probably added to his car’s collection of stickers showing their support of my career.

I hated this. I hated it so much. They were so proud of me as a Sailor. So supportive of me ever since I’d decided to enlist, just like they’d been supportive of everything I’d tried in my youth.

Everything except my sexuality.

Do I really want to cut all of this off because they can’t accept that?

I swallowed hard as I stared up at the service flag. I didn’t want to do this, no. But after sixteen years of begging them to accept who I was, I couldn’t handle it anymore. I was done. Fucking done.

That didn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt.

And maybe I won’t have to. Maybe they really will see me with Nolan and realize…

I exhaled, pressing back against the driver seat as I let my hands slide off the wheel. It had seemed like such a good idea in the beginning. Now I was here, and over the next few days…

“You’re not ready for this, are you?” Nolan’s voice was gentle. Not at all snide or judgmental. Full of empathy, really.

“I’m not.” I shut off the car and turned to him. “But we’re here. And I need to do this. Even if it sucks.”

He nodded. “All right. I’m ready when you are.”

I was never going to be ready, but I couldn’t put this off anymore, so I took a deep breath. Then I got out of the car. Nolan fell into step beside me as we headed up the walk.

Halfway there, I slipped my hand into his.

He glanced at me, his expression puzzled.

“Just to sell it,” I explained.

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