Page 132 of Leave

When he let me go, though, he didn’t comment on that. Instead, he asked, “Why did you still go to the bachelorette?”

I swallowed hard. “You said Sophia didn’t feel safe going out without someone with them. I… I wanted her to have a good time, you know?”

“But that meantyou’dhave…” Matt rubbed the back of his neck and swore. “God, Nolan. I had no idea I was asking you to go to a place like that with… Fuck, dude.” He sounded pained. “I didn’t know we were sending you out with your…” He pressed his lips as if he couldn’t say the word. Maybe he couldn’t.

“You didn’t know.”

“But you could’ve bowed out or…” He leaned over his hands on the railing and looked like he was seriously considering puking on Mom’s rhododendrons. “If I’d known, I never would’ve asked.” He paused. “I mean, if I’d known, Leann wouldn’t be within five hundred miles of my wedding, but still… Jesus, Nolan. I am so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

He shot me a pointed look. “Says the guy who still thinks it’s his fault that the wedding got disrupted.” Before I could respond, he squeezed my arm. “We’re good, man. Okay? Leann’s the one who should be sorry for a lot of things, but I don’t think she’s capable of that.”

I grunted. “She’d have to admit she was wrong first.”

“She knows she’s wrong,” he growled. “She just doesn’t care.”

Something about the way he said that gave me pause, and I cocked my head. “Was there… Was there a problem with her before I said anything?”

Matt quirked his lips as he stared out at the yard, probably trying to choose his words carefully. Finally, he said, “I’m not gonna lie—I’ve never liked her. She’s just always seemed so…” He furrowed his brow. “I don’t even know what the word is. Superficial? Phony?” He shook his head. “I just never liked her. But she and Sophia are friends—werefriends, and she’s married to my brother, so…”

“So you couldn’t get away from her.”

“No.” He turned to me again. “I was mad at you for a long time, you know. Because you left. My big brother was here, and then you were just…” He gestured like something flying away. “You were gone. And you almost never came back.”

My heart dropped. Another apology was nearly to the tip of my tongue, but Matt spoke first.

“I get it now,” he whispered. “If you’d stayed, you’d have had to be around her all the time. Especially after she and Andrew got married.”

I shuddered. “It killed me, you know. Being so far away.” My throat was tight, but I barreled on. “I missed the family. I missed…” I gestured around us. “I never wanted to be a Marine. I work with guys who live and breathe the Marine Corps, and for some of them, it’s what they wanted to be, you know? But for me, it’s a paycheck, and it’s overseas orders.” I swiped at my eyes and sniffed. “It was my best ticket away from her. I just hated that it took me away from everyone and everything else too.”

Matt hung his head, whispering some curses that would’ve made my fellow Marines blush. Then, he croaked, “It sucks, but I get why you did it.” He looked at me, fresh tears glittering in his eyes, and suddenly he was my baby brother again. Not just three years younger than me, but barely fifteen years old and realizing I was really going away. “You shouldn’t have had to leave.”

It was my turn to pull him into a hug, and I closed my eyes as we stood there in silence.

Still holding on, he finally said, “Are you going to come home more after this?”

For once, the rush of emotion was happier than not, and I managed a smile as I patted his back. “I think so, yeah. The only person I didn’t want to see won’t be here. Or at least, no one will expect me to visit with her.”

“I don’t think she’ll be here.” Matt pulled back and wiped his eyes. “I don’t think Andrew will be either, and that sucks, but… I don’t know what to do.”

I winced. “I don’t either. Maybe he just needs time. Or maybe he…” I trailed off because I couldn’t actually say out loud that our brother might be done with us. He clearly believed Leann. She was his wife. The mother of his kids. Even if he did think I was telling the truth, this couldn’t be easy for him.

Would he ever speak to me again? It was impossible to say for now.

Matt cleared his throat and checked his phone. “Shit. It’s getting late. I need to go help Sophia make calls.” He rolled his shoulders. “We’re postponing the wedding. The reception, anyway.”

My heart dropped. “What? Oh, Jesus. I am so sorry. I didn’t want you to have to—”

“It’s not on you.” He squeezed my shoulder. “We don’t want what she did hanging over our wedding. Whatshedid, Nolan. Not you.”

“I just hate that it came out now. I’m sorry for that.”

“I know you are.” He let me go but kept a hand on my shoulder. “We’re not upset with you.”

“But your wedding…”

“We’ll still get married. We’re going to do something small tomorrow, and then we’ll do the big shindig later. Once everything else has quieted down.” He pursed his lips. “That’ll probably be tough for you to get leave, though, won’t it?”

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