Page 130 of Leave

I pressed my hands onto the back deck’s railing and stared out at the yard. I couldn’t see much this time of night—the porch light was off, and only the glow from the kitchen made it through the window, picking out a few tree branches and the suggestion of Dad’s riding lawnmower.

Distantly, I could still hear voices in the house. No one was shouting now. They were quiet enough I couldn’t pick out who was talking, what they were saying, or even their tone. I could guess some of it, though. I doubted anyone was talking about the Breakers or the Seahawks.

Exhaling into the cool air, I let my head fall forward.

So… my secret was out. Over and over, I tried to get my head around the fact that one brother hated me. That the other probably didn’t think too highly of me, either, given that I’d blown a big crater in his wedding. I couldn’t begin to guess what my parents were thinking.

My family would never be the same after today, and it was my fault.

I never should’ve said yes.

I never should’ve come here.

I never should’ve left Okinawa.

I’d left my family and my hometown for a reason, and I should’ve stayed gone. At least then I’d be the only one hurting over what Leann had done.

The back door squeaked on its hinges and I closed my eyes. I wanted to be alone, but Riley was an exception. As terrified as Iwas that he would eventually get tired of all this, I wouldn’t say no to his shoulder right then.

“You all right?”

Not Riley—Matt.

I opened my eyes and faced him in the low light. He watched me with shell-shocked eyes; I didn’t think I’d ever seen my little brother more exhausted or confused in my life.

I didn’t know what to say, or what he’d come out here to say, so I just croaked, “I’m sorry.”

Shaking his head, he dropped his gaze, and he worked his jaw as he nudged some chipping paint on the railing with his thumbnail. “You didn’t do anything.”

“My timing could’ve used some work.”

Again, he shook his head, and this time, he finally met my gaze. In that moment, he looked twenty years older, not three years younger than me. “There’s something I want to know.”

I wasn’t sure I had it in me to pull open any more wounds, but he of all people deserved answers tonight, so I moistened my parched lips and nodded. “Okay.”

He leaned his hip on the railing and took a deep breath. “Is this why you were weird at my bachelor party?”

I winced as the memory made my skin crawl.

“It is, isn’t it?” he whispered. “When we bought you the lap dance? I… Jesus, I just thought it was because you aren’t into girls, but…”

“No, it wasn’t that,” I rasped. “I just can’t handle having someone… I can’t do lap dances. With menorwomen.”

“Holy shit.” He raked a hand through his hair. “God, Nolan. We just thought it would be funny, because…” He dropped his hand to his side with a heavy smack. “I’m so sorry. If I’d known…”

“Youdidn’tknow.” I studied him. “But… does this mean… Do you believe me?”

“Yeah.” He gave a sharp nod, then a firmer, “Yeah, I do.” Pushing out a long breath, he sagged harder against the railing. “I don’twantto believe it because I don’t want to believe… I mean, fuck. I don’t want to believe someone would do that to my brother. I don’t want to believe my sister-in-law isevil.”

My chest tightened and I stared out at the yard again. His fiancée had said as much. I hated that they had to wrestle with this now; it was hard enough for me to believe it sometimes. I wanted to believe it was just a nightmare that felt more real than it should have. Could I really blame my family for struggling with it now?

After a moment, Matt said, “Riley knew, didn’t he?”

The lump in my throat caught me by surprise, and I had to fight to speak around it. “He knows now, yeah.”

“He does now?” My brother furrowed his brow. “So he didn’t know before?”

I shook my head. “I told him after Sophia’s bachelorette.”

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