Page 119 of Leave

But I was also afraid to leave this time, because as soon as we were feet dry on the island again…

I swallowed hard.

Maybe Riley wouldn’t even wait that long. Maybe he’d be checking the Patriot Express schedule as soon as he had a second, and he’d head to SeaTac at the first available opportunity to hop back to the island. I’d come home to an apartment without a trace that he’d ever lived there except for the three cats who’d be waiting at the door the next time he was due home.

Either way, he’d be gone. No one stuck around for this hot mess, and tonight had probably ensured our days of living together, sleeping together—hell, knowing each other—were numbered.

Is it really too much to ask for someone to stay this time?

After what happened tonight…

Yeah, probably.

It was again Riley who broke the silence.

“Listen, this is completely out of my wheelhouse,” he admitted softly. “I… don’t know what I should do or say. But if there’s anything I can do right now, even if it’s just drive you up into the mountains so you can scream into the void…”

I managed a thin laugh at that. “That sounds kind of tempting, honestly.”

“Say the word.” He nudged me playfully with his shoulder. “There’s mountains near here, right?”

“There are.” I met his gaze. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

He smiled, the expression full of warmth and sympathy that I didn’t think I deserved. It also stoked an ember of something entirely different that didn’t seem even a little bit compatible with this situation. With this moment.

At the same time, though, I was tempted to see if we could coax that ember into a flame. Maybe this was the wrong time, and maybe it was the wrong thing—hell, my skin crawled at the same time my heart raced, as if my body couldn’t decide if I was repulsed, intrigued, or both.

I swallowed. “Would you think I was weird if I said I’m not even a little bit horny, and the thought of sex kind of makes me nauseous, but I also really want to fuck?”

Riley blinked, and for a second, I thought he would say I was exactly as weird as I though I sounded. To my surprise, though, he squeezed my hand. “Nothing has to make sense right now. If that’s what you want—if it’ll make you feel good right now in the middle of this godawful shitstorm—then say the word.”

My lips parted. “Really?”

“Of course. Baby, anything you need. Anything you want.”

My throat was tight and my eyes stung, and my voice came out embarrassingly weak as I asked, “Why are you even still here?”

Riley straightened. “What? Where else would I be?”

“Anywhere?” I threw up my free hand. “Look at me, Riley. Look at everything that happened tonight. I’ve been keeping you at arm’s length with all these rules and boundaries and no explanation, and then I dragged you into all this bullshit, and…” He dropped his hand into his lap and whispered unsteadily, “Why haven’t you walked away from me yet?”

“Do you… Do youwantme to walk away from—”

“No.” I gripped his hand tighter. “God, no. I just… can’t figure out why you haven’t.”

The way he stared at me right then, I honestly wondered if I’d said all that in Japanese. He didn’t seem to have understood a word of it.

I swept my tongue across my lips. “Why are you doing so much and putting up with so much for me?”

“Why…What?”

My shoulders fell. “People don’t stick around. Either they find out what happened to me and they judge me, or they’re okay with that part but can’t handle the gauntlet of boundaries I’ve put up because of it. Everyone who gets close to me—eventually, they…” I waved my hand. “They leave.” I looked at him. “I just can’t figure out why you’ve stuck around this long.”

Riley’s eyes were wide. Then he pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled. When he lowered his hand and met my gaze, his expression was a mix of fatigue and bemusement. “Really?”

“Yeah? I don’t get what—”

“Because I love you, dumbass!”

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