Page 21 of Last Breath

It’s damn time I decide my fate.

Sitting on the back stoop, hoping that some grand idea will strike me, giving me the answer I need, I stay silent and watch the wildlife dancing in the moonlight.

Inside, the crooning of Gran’s music still plays, covering the house in the sounds of Sinatra. Her pills should be taking hold, and she’ll be asleep by the time I re-enter. I’ve decided that by the time the music stops, I’ll have a yes or no answer for the men upstairs.

Looking up at the back of the house, their room has the only light on. The faint yellow of the light creates an ethereal glow on the ancient glass. Crossing the pane with his back to me, Salem strips off his shirt. Even from here, aged scars are visible. Crisscrossing patterns on Salem’s back showcase a roadmap of damage. As I stand here like a stalker, watching, Malachi’s arms weave around his frame. I watch the soft, subtle touches that hints an intimacy and a closeness beyond that of two friends.

Weaving his hands into Salem’s hair, Malachi tangles his fingers in it. Salem turns slightly, and it becomes clear that he and Malachi are kissing very passionately. Transfixed, I have a hard time pulling my eyes away. I know it’s rude to watch something so personal, but as my own body reacts to their contact, I make myself look away.

Rising and glancing up quickly before I head back in, I see they’re still tightly embraced, but now looking down on me.

Shit.

If I didn’t want to acknowledge seeing them, I shouldn’t have been caught watching their intimate act.

But knowing they’ve seen me, there’s no use in moving around quietly. Allowing the back screen to slam, with my shoulders back and my head held high, I close the heavy interior door with a loud thunk. Making sure the deadbolt is secure and walking to the front, I confirm the front door is latched. As I start for the stairs, each step is a heavy weight on my mind as the answer looms in the background.

Left, yes.

Right, no.

Left, yes.

No.

Yes.

No.

Fuck.

I find myself doing this ridiculous game until there’s only one more left. Just one to answer, and one to deny.

Standing at the top of the creaky staircase, staring at the closed door across the hall, I blow out a pent-up breath.

“Fuck,” I mutter.

Taking slow steps, careful not to make the floor creak, I reach the point of no return. Turning the handle, the anticipation of a correct or incorrect decision is tangible. My mind is screaming it’s right, but my body is yelling how disappointed it is in me.

But I’ve made a choice, and that’s that.

Chapter 12

Joy

Closing the door, turning the lock and turning around, I flick on the light. In the empty space, my bed is a lonely place. I’ve made the right decision, but my heart’s not so sure.

Stripping off my bra and dirty clothes, I dress for sleep—a simple pj set from the Goodwill. Humming my song and tucking in, I flick the switch on the bedside table that turns off the room light.

As I settle, the house seems quiet. I hear the sounds of the owl that lives in the forest out back, the coyotes as they chase their prey, and the squeak of a—

Wait.

That’s not the sound of an animal. That’s a bed as it shifts. Slowing my breathing and holding my body still, I listen. I can hear Malachi’s rough voice and Salem’s softer tenor.

I’m not sure when the decision was made, but at some point I rose out of bed and crept to the door. With my ear firmly held against it, listening as they cause the bed to travel, their sounds are thick with pleasure.

“Mal,” is said with arousal. Salem’s voice is hoarse as he seems to mutter a few nondescript words. With scraping noises of the bed shifting back and forth, the panting and heavy breathing of the men next door gives further insight into their relationship. The sounds are perfect, loving, desperate, careful and rushed. Every part of it causes a rush in my own blood. My breathing hitches as I listen. I’m imagining them having sex, and it’s arousing.

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