Page 36 of Tied

Tyler

Walking past the little shops that dot the landscape of Manhattan, I suddenly feel uneasy. It’s not Chris. It’s not that I’m walking down the street with a beautiful man. It’s that his past does haunt him, cloying at him, causing me to doubt. I’m rethinking all of it as we’re hitting the curb. The kiss, the hand touch, the chance on someone…it isn’t Chris that I’m really rethinking, it’s me. I’m fearful.

I mean, Chris might be a monogamous man if given the chance. Only my mind can’t seem to jump the line that he’s married. I’m pretty particular about rules. And yeah, it’s easy to see she’s his beard, only there to make him seem manly and fully straight in the eyes of the political realm, but he’s definitely gay if the video is to be trusted. By the passionate look on his face as he euphorically reached climax with another man’s cock in his ass, I’d say he’s not into women quite the same way.

The question though, is if I can’t overlook all of that, then why did I kiss him?

As we walk along, heading down the street, I’m considering the options of knowing Chris better. I could hail him a cab and run back to my apartment alone. As always, I’m living in fear of having my heart twisted again.

Or.

I can take a chance.

Julia was right, dammit!

I’ve been alone for so long—sixteen years to be exact—that I haven’t given anything a chance at all. My motto has been, ‘no one can break you if you don’t let them.’ If they can’t get near, how do I know that they will?

Not handling the silent walk well, I decide to break the silence. “Did it help?” I ask. “I mean, did the video and the coverage—”

“You mean, did it lift a weight?” Chris is beaming. “Fuck yes. Jeez. I’ve never been anything but a man’s man. Tough, rough, take no shit, burly. That was the expectation. It’s never been easy, but the video has given me something I’ve never had; a sense of peace.” His smile is genuine, and I totally know what he means. I’ve never faked it, but I’ve seen enough friends who did. They had to show they were into a girl, when all along they were screaming on the inside to be let out of the cage that society had dragged them into.

“I’ve had a few friends that faked it until marriage. Or hitting the altar and running with the best man instead of the bride.” It’s happened more than I can count. “So I’m sorry you’ve never really had a chance to show your love for another man, Chris.”

Scoffing at that, he lets out a haughty laugh. “What do you have to be sorry for? You weren’t the guy in the recruitment building that I thought was sexy. You weren’t the guys in the barracks that I had to hide excitement from of seeing their manliness on display. I knew that it wasn’t mine to touch without a court martial at best, or worse, being strung up after they took turns on my ass, then left in the desert to die. I’ve seen it, and I’m sure I’ll have some nasty fucking emails in my inbox when I look next from the team I was stationed with.”

“What do you think about your job?”

Laughing deep, he steps ahead and turns to face me with a great big smile. “Oh, without a doubt, I’m fired. Indiana is a Republican state, and while they allow civil rights as an unalienable right, corruption is about to take my ass to the cleaners.”

On that I’m confused. “Why?”

“Well, I didn’t take money, sway votes or collude to do damage, but my reputation is about to be set alight like a big fucking bonfire.”

As Chris is turning back around, walking beside me again, I look at our surroundings. We’re at the doors to his hotel. I didn’t walk to my place, I walked to his. Stopping short, I look at Chris. “Sorry. I didn’t keep track of where we were going. How about a raincheck on that coffee?”

As disappointment flickers across his features, it disappears just as fast. He smiles. “Yeah. Sounds good, Tyler.” Pulling open the door to his hotel, he goes to step inside, but he stops and turns. “Thanks for the chat, and the escort back here. I wouldn’t have made it on my own.”

“You’re welcome. Maybe I’ll see you around.” Presenting a hand for him to shake, I smile. “With Julia, anything’s possible.”

“That’s an understatement, I bet. But yeah, sounds good.” He steps over the lintel. “Thanks again, Tyler.”

As the door closes slowly, I watch Chris walk away. I may not have decided it, but I did the right thing. Well, partly. I shouldn’t have kissed him and confused things, but I’m glad my mind subconsciously decided for me, saving me the trouble of a mistake.

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