Page 33 of Tied

“I haven’t been with a man in years. I mean, like, years. Tessa tells me I’m a silly bitch for avoiding relationships for so long, all because of a few bad experiences.” Looking over his shoulder, she’s grinning, trying to act like she’s not listening as she talks to Julia about something else. “The last one, he wrecked me. I thought he was my forever. And in the end I realized I was to blame as much as him for his cheating ways. I didn’t want to imagine him capable of hurting me because I couldn’t imagine myself doing it to him. I was wrong. Just because I have morals doesn’t mean everyone else does. So I closed off my heart, soul, and body to everyone.”

I know he’s not done, so I wait.

“These people—my family—they’re the ones who brought me out of the depression I was in. I was wrecked, and I swore, swore, I would never be hurt again. So I haven’t. But I also haven’t tried to open up either.”

Pausing, giving me room to answer, I state it as plainly as I can. “My exploits haven’t shown if I’m even worth the time, is that it?” I ask.

With pursed lips, Tyler nods. “Yeah, mainly.” Looking back at Tessa, she grins wide, then he turns back to me. “You screwed up, but you’re not the only one to blame. Growing up, I was given freedom to be who I am, and I’m betting you weren’t. I doubt it was easy to be a gay linebacker sized man in the Marines. And to become the governor and a political figure, I doubt that most states are forward thinking enough to accept a gay governor. I get it, but I also know what I want out of a relationship and I can’t say I’ll take less. I want someone who will dry my tears, not create them. I want someone to help my wounded heart, not break it. And I want someone who will pull me up, not tear me down. I don’t think it’s much to ask. Do you?”

“No. I don’t think so.”

Tyler hasn’t let go of my hand as he’s spoken, and I haven’t tried to pull away. I don’t want to. He’s giving me something I’ve needed—openness and compassion. If we end up as friends, fine. It’ll suck because I find myself drawn to him. I’ll accept it though.

“Do you want to get out of here and have a coffee…alone?” he asks, full of trepidation. Tyler’s afraid I’ll turn him down? I don’t know what changed his mind about me and wanting to get to know each other, but I’ll gladly follow where he leads.

“Yeah. As long as Julia doesn’t castrate me.”

Smirking, Tyler laughs. “I got this.” Rising, looking down on me, his eyes are a soft glowing blue. A color that I could dive into and lose myself in, body and soul. I could lose myself in Tyler.

Before heading to see Julia, he says, “Don’t worry, your balls are safe with me.”

As he walks away to talk to Julia, I laugh a little internally and mumble, “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

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