Page 69 of What About Now

“I don’t remember that night. I know you don’t either, and I hate that. I hate that I don’t know what they did to us. I hate that the girls will one day know and look at us differently. I hate them. I don’t know who they are, but I hate them. I don’t know what they did,” I repeat.

“We’re okay,” Briar says softly. “We’re stronger than the pain. We’ve come so far since that night.”

“I miss Dad,” I tell her.

“Me too.” Briar smiles through her tears. “He would have loved the men in our lives and our new family. I tell Forrest often that Dad would have loved him and the guys.” She turns her eyes to Maddox. “He would have loved you for Brogan.”

Maddox shifts beside me, but I don’t dare look at him. “Baby.” One word, whispered in his broken voice, has me turning my head. His eyes are haunted and glassy, as if he, too, is on the verge of tears. We stare at each other for several long heartbeats before he speaks up.

“I hate them too. I hate that they stole so much from you and your sister. I hate them because they’re holding you back from living. I hate them because you’re mine, and I can’t defend you by kicking their ass,” he says, and despite my tears, I smile.

Maddox stands and drops to his knees in front of me. He takes my hands in his, and everything and everyone else fades away. “I can’t pretend to know what you’re feeling, but I need you to know that I’m here for you. Whatever you need. If you want to cry, scream, fight, whatever you need, I’m your man. Me. I’m the man who wants to stand next to you while you fight the demons of your past. I’m the man who you can depend on. Let me be your pillar of strength until you find the strength that I know lives inside you.”

“You still want me?” I ask him.

“Yes. I want you. Today, tomorrow, and every day after. I fall harder for you every single day, and I can’t imagine doing life without you.”

A sob breaks free from my chest, and my body shakes. “M—Mad—” I can’t even say his name because I’m crying so hard.

He sits beside me and lifts me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around me. “I’ve got you, baby. I’ve got you,” he repeats, holding me tightly. “Together, remember what we said? We’re in this together. You and me, we’re one unit now. There is no me without you, and we’ll get through this. Whatever you need. I’m right here, Brogan.”

I don’t know how long I cry in his arms, but I do know that something inside me feels lighter. When I’ve exhausted my tears, I lift my head from his shoulder, and he smiles. His hands lift to gently rest against my cheeks. His thumb traces beneath my eyes. “I want you. I want your past, your present, and your future. For better or worse, right?” He grins.

“I don’t remember that either,” I tell him.

“Then we renew our vows. You tell me when and where, or I can handle it and tell you when and where. Whatever you need, Brogan. It’s yours, as long as it includes me standing next to you.”

“You really mean that?”

“I love you, Brogan Lanigan. You’ve completely stolen my heart, and I’m sorry to tell you, baby, there are no givebacks. Not this time.”

I sit up straighter, and his hands fall back to his sides. “Did you just—” I turn to look at my sister. She’s crying and smiling, her hands resting over her heart as she watches us. “Did he just—” I can’t even say the words. I must not have heard him correctly.

Briar nods, so I turn my eyes to Susan. She’s also smiling and nodding. That gives me the courage to look back at Maddox, who’s wearing a lazy grin.

“I’m head over heels in love with you. I know you’re not there yet, and that’s okay, but I need you to know you’re not alone. You have me, your sister, and our entire family. We’re an off mix, but we’re your ride or die until the end.”

I’m smiling and the words are on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t seem to force them past my lips.

“Brogan?” I turn to face Susan when she speaks. “How do you feel?”

I can’t help it; I laugh. “I feel… lighter. I feel lucky to be here. I feel sad because I miss my dad. I feel sad that my decision changed my life and my sister’s. I also feel relief. I thought he’d walk away.” I pull my eyes back to Maddox. “I was sure you’d see all my broken pieces and bail. I never expected you to be here, and telling me that you love me…. I didn’t expect that, or you, Maddox Lanigan.”

“Your pieces aren’t broken, baby. They’re just a little out of order, but we’re rearranging them. Together.”

I slide off his lap and meet my sister's eyes. “See what I mean? He always knows what to say.” I wipe at my eyes.

“Love does that to you. Just ask Forrest, or Roman, or Legend.” She grins. “And your husband.” She winks at him. “We have a family now who love and support us. I’ll always miss Dad, but we have his memory, which will never leave us. He’s a part of us in everything that we do. We can miss him, but we can’t let the pain keep us from loving again. Missing out on the love that Forrest gives me… I can’t imagine a day of my life without him now.”

“What she said,” Maddox says, reaching over and lacing his fingers through mine.

“I’m proud of you,” Susan tells me. “You’ve made huge strides today, and I’m glad Briar showed up.”

“I’ll always show up,” Briar announces.

“Thank you. All of you. I still have to work through everything bouncing around in my head and in my heart.” I squeeze Maddox’s fingers to let him know I heard him, and I’m not taking his confession lightly.

“Our time is up for today. Days like today remind me of why I love this job.”

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