Page 30 of What About Now

“Never thank me for taking care of our daughters, Briar.”

I lean over and whisper in my sister's ear, “I think that was in the manual too.” The words are barely out of my mouth before Briar is cracking up laughing.

“We’ll be in the basement.” She grabs my hand and tugs for me to follow her. Once we’re settled on the couch, with the television on for noise to drown out our conversation, she gives me a pointed look.

“What do you want me to say?”

“Anything. Everything. I know you well enough to know you’re hiding within yourself. You’re still married, and the last text message you sent me said we’re seeing where it goes.”

Sitting back on the couch, I close my eyes. “He asked me to give him six months.” I take a few minutes and replay that conversation in my head, just as I have every day since it took place. Finally, I open my eyes and glance over at my sister. “Hesays that in six months, neither one of us will want to walk away. Briar, when we got here, he told me to stay put. I thought he wanted to carry me to the house, like he has before.”

“Wait. Hold up. He carries you to the house?”

“Well, I mean, he carried me inside that first day when we got home from Vegas, and again because he didn’t want me to walk in the snow.” My face heats as I explain this to my sister.

“Damn,” she mutters. “Maddox is a dreamboat.”

“Stop.” I swat at her arm, laughing. “Anyway, I told him he didn’t have to carry me and he said he just wanted to open my door for me. Then I spouted off how he doesn’t need to treat me like glass because this is all new to me, Briar. I’ve seen what happens in the movies and on TV. I see how Forrest, Roman, and Legend treat you, Emerson, and Monroe, but I have no first-hand experience myself, and honestly, I feel like I’m living a damn fairy tale, and I’m waiting for the credits to roll, and for it to all be over.”

“I know that feeling, but, Brogan, this is real life. We’ve had our share of pain. It took me some time to realize that our past doesn’t define our future.”

“Okay, now you sound like Susan.”

“Thank you.” Briar nods, and I smile. I really did need this time with my sister. “So, what did he say to you, telling him he didn’t have to treat you like glass?”

“Something about how he’s treating me like his wife, not glass, and that I better get used to it because it’s going to be the standard for the next fifty or so years.”

“Damn,” Briar says, her mouth hanging open. “He’s got a way with words, that one.”

“See! That’s what I mean. How can I trust him when he’s that smooth?”

“Brogan,” Briar says gently. “You can trust him. He cares about you. Anyone can see that. To hear Emerson and Monroetell it, these guys, when they fall, they fall hard, and they turn into giant teddy bears for the women in their lives. I know Forrest did. You see how Roman and Legend are with their wives. That’s what he knows. That’s who he is. It’s not fake.”

“Not so long ago, you would have been agreeing with me,” I grumble, crossing my arms over my chest.

“I know. It took me a lot of time, and Forrest gave me as much as I needed to come to terms with the fact that he’s one of the good ones. He’s not all pretty words and no actions. Let Maddox show you.”

“I told him I’d give him six months, but, Briar, I’m already—it’s going to hurt when he leaves. I’m broken, and when he realizes that, he’s going to bolt, and my heart… it won’t ever be the same.”

Briar pulls me into a hug. “You are not broken. That night can’t define us.”

“Everyone I love leaves me.” The words slip free before I can stop them.

“No. I didn’t leave you.” Her tone is firm, one she uses with the girls when she means business. “I’m right here. I’m just a short drive away and no matter when you need me, day or night, I’m going to be there. Our family is growing, and sure, the girls and I don’t live with you anymore, but that’s okay because you’ll have kids one day; I’m certain that husband of yours will make sure of it.”

“I’ve never—he’s more experienced than me. He’s not going to want a wife who doesn’t know what she’s doing in bed. He’s had his fair share of women. He’s not going to want to choose a novice to sex to have sleep next to him for the rest of his life.”

“You’re wrong.” She points to her chest. “I was the same way, remember? I don’t have a single memory from that night at the frat party. In every way that matters, Forrest was my first. Don’t stress about the small things. Talk to him, tell him, and Ipromise you, he’s not going to disappoint you. Neither will your body,” she assures me.

“I’m scared,” I admit. “And yes, before you ask me if I’ve told him that, I have. He says he won’t hurt me.”

“Then put your faith in him, Brogan.”

“But what if I’m right?”

“Then I’ll be here for you to help you pick up the pieces, but my gut tells me that you’re wrong. What is your gut telling you?”

I clamp my mouth shut, which is the only answer she needs. It’s not my gut or my heart that’s the issue. It’s my head. I can’t seem to stop thinking about the what-ifs and just live for the here and now.

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