Page 12 of What About Now

“You dated first,” I mumble.

“Who cares? Toss society’s rules out of the window. This is your life, Brogan. You get to decide what makes you happy.”

“What happens when it doesn’t work out?”

“If.Ifit doesn’t work out, and you don’t know how it’s going to end. None of us do. All you can do is give it everything you have and see where it takes you.”

Her words give me hope. “Now you sound like Susan,” I tell her. Susan is the therapist that we both started seeing a couple of months ago. She’s incredible and talking to her on my own and with my sister has helped me so much to get over the traumas of our past, but I’m still a work in progress.

“So I sound intelligent? Thanks, sis,” she teases.

“I should get back out there.”

“Out where?”

“The living room. I needed a few minutes, so I locked myself in the bathroom,” I admit. “Maddox is waiting for me.” I don’t say might be, because I know him well enough to understand he’s not going anywhere until we make a decision that could affect our entire group of friends and family, not just us.

“You can trust him, Brogan. Take a gamble; you might be surprised where that chance leads you. I love you, big sister.” I can hear the smile in her voice. As twins, I’m two minutes older and she very rarely admits to me being her big sister.

“Love you too.” I end the call, shove my phone back into my jeans pocket, exhale, and twist the lock before pulling open the door.

“Everything okay?” Maddox asks as soon as he sees me.

“Yeah. Sorry, Briar called. She just wanted to make sure I made it home okay.”

He nods and pats the couch cushion next to him. Once I’ve taken my seat, he turns to face me, and I do the same. Our knees are touching, and I ignore the heat that flows from his body to mine.

“I’m a simple man, Brogan. I love my friends and the business we’ve built with our blood, sweat, and tears. I lovemy family. I pay my taxes, I don’t lie or cheat, and I keep my promises.”

These are all things I knew about him already. Well, maybe not the taxes part, but one can only assume being one fifth of a successful growing business, paying taxes is a given. Why he’s telling me all this is yet to be determined. I open my mouth to ask, but he takes my hand in his, and I clamp my mouth shut.

“I’ve always followed my gut. Once in my life, I didn’t, and this—me and you—that’s fate's way of telling me I fucked up and is fixing my mistake. I want you, Brogan. I want to come home to you. I want to cuddle with you on the couch after a long day at the shop. I want to hold you as you drift off to sleep, and I want to be the first person you see each morning when you wake up.”

“Maddox….” My voice trails off because what do I say to that?

“I know we aren’t dating, but we should have been. I should have followed my gut. My instincts were telling me you were the one. That’s my fuck up, and I won’t make it twice, which is why I have a proposition for you.”

“What kind of proposition?”

Maddox stands from his seat on the couch, only to kneel again. I turn my body to face him, and he takes my hands in his. “Give me six months. To date you. To show you how good we will be together. Give me six months to make you fall in love with me.”

“So, you want to date, but only for six months?”

“Yes, well no. I want to date you, but not as my girlfriend. As my wife. I want to date my wife.” He gives me an adorable, endearing grin that’s hard as hell to resist. “I want us to give this everything we have.”

“I already care about you. Six months with you, to let you go. That’s going to bring heartbreak and confusion, and a whole lot of messiness with our friends and family.”

“Baby, you have us divorced before we even try. Trust me, I know for certain if you kick my ass to the curb after six months, my heart will be in tattered pieces all over the living room floor. You’re worth the risk. I believe in what we could be.” He lifts my hand and places it over his heart. “You and me, Mrs. Lanigan. Six months.”

“What happens if in that time we’re still not sure?” I don’t need that long. I know my heart will be pulverized if I have him for any amount of time, only for him to walk away. But I’ve lived through worse. That’s the story of my life. That’s the way my book was written.

“I’m pretty sure that’s enough time to know if we’re falling harder than what we already are.”

“What does that look like? Us dating?”

“Married and dating. We live together. My place or yours, but you have more space. We sleep next to one another and share our lives with each other. I want you twisted in every fiber of my life, and my soul, Brogan.”

I want that. I want it all. Everything he just said, I want more than anything, but I don’t deserve it. Maybe I should just take what time I can get with him, and when he realizes I’m a mess of epic proportions, he’ll cut ties, and I can quietly lick my wounds.

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