Page 11 of What About Now

I want to tell him that I’ve felt the same way, but I can’t find the words. My heart is currently celebrating that this amazing man wants me. Wants me, even if we can’t stay married. My heart is racing like I just ran a 5K.

“It’s still too complicated. My sister is still married to your best friend. Our lives are still too intertwined.”

“But what if it isn’t too complicated?” Maddox asks. “What if it’s everything we could have ever imagined for ourselves?”

“But what if it isn’t?” I counter. At this point, we both sound like broken records, and we keep talking in circles.

“Brogan, you feel it, right? This spark that ignites between us?”

It’s on the tip of my tongue to lie to him, but that’s not who I am. “Yeah,” I agree softly. “But, Maddox, sparks don’t mean we should stay married.”

“I get it. It’s not ideal, but, Brogan, I’ve wanted you for a long damn time, and now that you’re mine, I can’t let you go.”

“You have to.” I stand from his lap, and this time, he lets me. “I need to use the restroom.” Okay, so that’s a lie, but not completely. I do need to use the restroom as a place of reprieveand to put some distance between us. His scent and his arms wrapped around me is altering my ability to think clearly.

“I’ll be here.” He smiles softly, and damn him, my heart melts. He’s such a great guy—kind, and caring, and sexy as hell. In another life, I would jump at the chance to be married to him, but it just won’t work. It’s too complicated. There are too many wires in our lives that are crossed. His best friend, my sister, my nieces. He’s thinking the glass is half full, and I’m a half-empty girl. Life experience has taught me hope is fickle at best.

Once inside the bathroom, I twist the lock and brace my hands on the counter. Bowing my head, I focus on pulling in a deep breath. How did I let this happen? I never drink too much. I never let myself indulge like that. Not after what happened the summer after high school graduation. That’s not me, and it’s freaking me out that I don’t remember.

My cell rings, breaking me out of my thoughts. I rush to pull it out of my back pocket to see Briar’s name on the screen. “Hey you,” I answer, trying to hide the anxiety that’s coursing through my veins.

“Did you make it home okay?” she asks.

“I did. Maddox drove me home.” He’s still sitting in my living room.

“Husbands are good for that,” she teases.

I groan. “Not you too.”

My sister laughs. “I couldn’t help myself.”

“How did I let this happen, Briar? I don’t let myself get out of control, not after—” I stop because if anyone knows why I keep a tight leash on my drinking and actions, it’s my sister.

“You don’t see it, do you?”

“I guess not. Enlighten me, ole wise one.”

“You feel safe with him, Brogan. Last night you knew that no matter what, Maddox would take care of you.”

“He was drunk too!” I say a little too loudly and peer at the door, waiting for Maddox to knock.

“He was, but you knew even then he would never hurt you.” She stops there, giving her words a chance to sink in. “He’s a good man, Brogan. He cares about you.”

“We’re friends.”

“Friends don’t look at each other the way Maddox looks at you. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how you look at him, too, when you think no one is watching.”

“Whatever,” I grumble. She’s right, at least about me watching him. I can’t seem to help myself. The man is perfection, but that’s still not reason enough to stay married. “He wants to stay married.”

“You like him. I’ll even go as far as to say that you care about him.”

“We’re not even dating. We can’t just wake up married after a drunken night in Vegas and say, ‘Hey, let’s give this a whirl.’ That’s insane, Briar.”

“Meh,” she replies. “If I’ve learned anything since meeting Forrest, it’s that this is our life. We only get one and we can do with it what we choose. Living in fear keeps you from experiencing some of the most blissful moments.”

“We know that life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows,” I remind her.

“We do. That’s why we fight harder for the good times. It took me time, but I let Forrest in, and now look at us. The girls and I have our happily ever after.”

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