Page 49 of What About Now

“I told you I’m broken, and I soaked your shirt.” I don’t know why, but that bothers me. He’s such a good man. He’s going to get tired of my bullshit soon; I’m certain.

“No.” His voice is stern. “You’re not broken. You’re hurting, Brogan. Those are two very different things.”

“What makes you think I’m hurting?” I ask, fighting off another round of tears.

“Because you’re my wife. It’s my job to know. I live with you. I sleep next to you. I’m spending my life with you. I’d know if you’re broken, and, baby, that’s not it. You have a lot going on up here.” He taps my temple. “And in here.” He rests that same hand over my heart. “I’m here when you’re ready. Until you are, come to me and let me hold you. You can soak as many shirts as you need to as long as you’re in my arms when you do it.”

I’m quiet for a long time, and Maddox lets me sit with my thoughts. “I miss my dad.”

“I can’t imagine that pain,” he replies softly.

“He was all we had.”

“That’s not true anymore. You have an entire group of people, an Everlasting Ink family, who love you. You, Briar, and the girls. You have me.”

“I feel that here.” I tap his chest over his heart. “But it’s this”—I lift my hand and tap his temple—“that needs to catch up.”

“Did you talk about your dad today?” he asks gently.

“Not really. We talked about you.”

“Me?” he asks, surprised.

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

I study him. “That’s it? Okay?”

“I don’t know what else to say, Brogan. I want you to talk to me. I want you to trust that I’m here for you, but I can’t make you do that. Whatever you talk to your therapist about is yours and yours alone. I hope you know that you can talk to me, but I’m not going to pressure you to tell me. Just… am I causing your pain?” His hand again goes to my chest, to rest over my heart. “Am I causing these tears?”

“No,” I rush to say. “It’s me, and my hangups with my past and our present.”

He nods, but the sadness and worry I see in his eyes has me parting my lips to tell him more. “Susan, that’s my therapist, Briar’s too. Anyway, she suggested I bring you to a visit with me.”

“When do we go?”

“Just like that?” I ask, tilting my head to the side to study him.

“Yes. Just like that. If that’s what you need. If you want me there, then I’m there. Tell me when, and I’ll make it work.”

I smile at that. “That’s what Susan said. She told me she would work us into her schedule.”

“When?” he asks again.

“I—I’m not sure.” It’s not that I don’t want him to go with me, but does that end us? Does that let him see what the next fifty years he keeps talking about will look like? Living with a wife who’s dealing with crushing guilt that keeps her from truly living. That’s what Susan says, but she thinks I can overcome it. I’m just not so sure that I can.

He places his hands on my cheeks. “When you know, you let me know. There is nothing that will keep me from being there for you.”

Tears well again. “Thank you, Maddox.”

He sits up, bringing us closer together, his hands still cradling my cheeks. “I’m all in, Brogan. These past few weeks have been better than I ever could have imagined them to be. I want this life with you. Together, we’ll fight through whatever battles we have to face to make that happen.”

Until he gets tired of the battle,my head says, but my heart… it melts for this man, for my husband.

“I don’t deserve you.”

“You deserve everything,” he says, kissing me softly. “Are you hungry?”

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