Page 17 of What About Now

“Never. In fact, I don’t think I can sleep knowing you’re right beside me, and I’m not holding you. You can trust me. I just want to hold you.” I wait for her reply that doesn’t come. Instead, she lifts the blanket and slides closer, and I move to meet her in the middle of the bed. I open my arms wide and she settles next to me. My arms wrap around her, holding her close. Just when I’m about to let go, I feel the first drops of her tears against my bare chest. I don’t know what to do. I hate her tears, but something tells me that they’ve been a long time coming. Forrest had a massive wall to scale with Briar. I’ll climb to the very top to help Brogan knock down every single fear she might have.

I want to tell her not to cry, that I’ll tackle all of her demons, but I don’t. Instead, I place my lips on top of her head and hold her tighter.

“I’ve got you,” I whisper. “I’m here.” I rub her back gently while keeping one arm locked around her, and eventually, her tears stop, and her breathing evens out. I stare up at the ceiling with my heart cracked wide open.

I’m going to help her.

Regardless of whether she falls in love with me, I’m going to help her. I want to be her light in the darkness, and I want to be the solid foundation she can lean on. She’s been fighting insilence. I’m sure, thinking her sister had it worse than she did. And instead of taking the time to heal, she’s pushed her pain to the back and focused on helping Briar raise the girls.

This pain in my chest, the ache that seeing her in pain causes me, can only be one thing. I wasn’t certain, but in just a few hours' time, I see clearly.

“I’m falling hard for you,” I whisper to the dark room and my slumbering wife.

CHAPTER

FIVE

Brogan

My eyes snap open as I take stock of my current situation. I’m in my room, in my bed, with Maddox wrapped around me.

Maddox Lanigan is in my bed.

I give myself a few seconds to let the reason why sink in. I let yesterday’s conversation float through my mind. I agreed to give him six months. Selfishly, I said yes, because for me, I want to know what it’s like to be his, even just for a little while. I know my heart will be crushed when he leaves, but that’s okay. What is it they say? It’s better to have loved and lived than to never have loved at all? Or something close to that. I’m not in love with Maddox, but I do care about him, and the attraction is there. Which is why I need to get out of this bed.

Slowly, I lift his arm, but he grumbles and holds me tighter. I count to ten in my head, and try again.

“Too early,” he mumbles.

“I have to pee.” It’s not a lie. It’s also not the only reason I need out of this bed. I know myself well enough to understand that I crave time with him. Watching him from afar all thesemonths, pretending to be aloof to his charms, I won’t be able to do that if he’s touching me.

“Come back to me,” he mumbles.

“Uh-huh.” I’d agree to just about anything if he lets me up. I feel his lips press against my shoulder before he relinquishes his hold on me, and I scramble out from underneath the covers and into the bathroom, making sure to twist the lock. I take care of business, wash my hands, and brush my teeth, all at a snail’s pace. It’s my hope that Maddox has fallen back asleep and I can slip out of the room without him noticing.

Finally, when I realize I’ve been in here far too long, I flip off the light, twist the lock, and open the door. I tiptoe over the threshold, trying not to make a sound. I’m two steps from the bedroom door when I hear his voice.

“You were supposed to come back to me.”

I stop and inhale a deep breath before turning to face him. I swallow hard as I take him in. He’s sitting up in bed with his back against the headboard and his abs on display. His eyes are sleepy, and there’s a red mark on his cheek from how he was lying.

“I didn’t want to wake you.”

He pats the bed next to him. “I’m awake. Come back to bed. It’s early.”

“I’m used to getting up early. Not much time for sleeping in with four-year-old twins running around.”

“Well, they’re not here today. Come back to bed, Brogan.”

I waver, unsure what to do. I want more than anything to slide in next to him and snuggle into his chest, but I shouldn’t. “Go back to sleep,” I tell him. “I’m going to make some coffee.”

Maddox tosses the covers off him and climbs out of bed. My eyes fall to his boxer briefs and the very notable erection. I quickly look away. He stops next to me and presses his lips to my forehead.

“I woke up with my wife in my arms. It’s not something I can control. Not that I want to.” Another quick peck in the same spot on my forehead, and he steps back and toward the bathroom. “I’ll meet you in the kitchen.” He strides into the bathroom, not bothering to shut the door. I hear him start to pee, and heat coats my cheeks.

I rush out of the room and down the hall to the kitchen. This was a bad idea. A very bad idea. I don’t have experience with men. None. Nothing but some over-the-clothes groping during my senior year of college. After that night at the frat party, I steered clear, and then it was all about helping my sister and my dad. Since then, I’ve been helping raise the girls. I told myself I didn’t have time, but it was more than that. My therapist helped me realize that.

I’m scared.

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