Page 16 of What About Now

My eyes stay locked on hers. “I can promise you, Brogan, that even wasted, I’d protect you.”

“You can’t know that. I’ve been there, Maddox. I’ve woken in a room I don’t recognize after a night of drinking. What’s worse is that I only had one drink that night. I was young and dumb,and didn’t even consider those frat guys would slip something into our drinks. My sister—” Her voice cracks. “She wasn’t as lucky as me. I’m the older sister. It was my job to protect her.”

“You’re twins.” I feel stupid saying that since obviously she knows, but she’s struggling with her past, fighting against guilt that’s not hers to fight. They’re both innocent in this. I don’t know how to make her see that, but I’m going to find a way.

“I’m two minutes older, Maddox. It was my job.”

I don’t know what to say to her. Nothing I say will reach her. Not tonight. She needs to see my actions speak for me. She needs to know that I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere, but I have to prove that to her. I’m surprised she’s opened up to me like she has, but I know why. She’s thinking if she’s honest about her past, it will push me away.

She’s wrong.

Hearing that night from her point of view only makes me want to hold on to her a little tighter. I want to wrap her in my arms and protect her from everything. I want to shower her with my love, support, and understanding until she doesn’t know where she ends and I begin.

Her eyes well with tears, and that’s more than I can handle. I can’t take it. Standing, I go to her side of the kitchen island. I move in behind her and wrap my arms around her, burying my face in her neck. Her back is pressed to my front, and I feel her inhale a heavy breath before slowly exhaling.

“What are you doing?” she whispers.

“Holding you. You looked like you needed a hug, and that’s my job, Brogan. As your husband, I’m here for you. I needed you to know that.” She doesn’t try to move, but she does relax into my arms.

I don’t know how long we stand here, but eventually, I release her and step back. She grabs her milk, downs it, and steps around me to rinse her cup before placing it in the sink.

“You ready for bed?”

“We’re really doing this?”

“We are.”

“Yeah.” She releases a shaky breath. “I’m ready for bed.”

I hold my hand out to her, and she stares at it for a few seconds before she places hers in mine. Together, we move around the house, locking the front door and shutting off all the lights before I guide her down the hall to our room.

Our room.

“What side of the bed do you want?” she asks.

“I’ll take the one closest to the door.” She doesn’t ask me why, and I don’t tell her. She simply moves to grab clothes to change into and disappears into the bathroom. I take the opportunity to strip down to my boxer briefs and climb under the covers.

When Brogan opens the door, the light from the bathroom spills into the dark bedroom, and she stops, staring right at me. “Everything okay?”

“Yep.” She turns off the light and makes her way to the opposite side of the bed in the dark room.

The bed dips when she climbs under the covers, and I smile when I see her lying on the edge. That’s not going to work for me. Turning to my side, I whisper her name. “Brogan.” I wait for her reply. I can hear her breathing, but eventually, she answers.

“Yeah?”

“Why are you not in my arms?” My question lingers between us.

“I don’t know how to do this, Maddox. I’ve never… slept in the same bed with a man. Not any time that I can remember.”

The truth of her words hit me like a kick to the gut. Our wedding night is bringing up terrible memories for her, and I hate that. I hate that I can’t take that night all those years ago away from her.

“I’m not just any man, Brogan. I’m your husband. I’m your friend.” I’m hoping that reminding her will ease some of her fears. “I’d never hurt you. Never.”

“What do I do?” Her voice is soft, and she sounds broken, and it’s killing me.

“You slide over here and let me wrap my arms around you. Then you use my chest as your pillow and you sleep soundly, knowing that I’m here. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. You’re not alone, Brogan. Not now, not ever again.” It’s a vow that I intend to keep.

“Won’t I be in your way?”

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