Page 75 of Warrior's Cross

Cameron refused to answer until they were in the workroom with the door shut firmly behind them. “That’s not how it is,” he insisted.

His voice was stronger now as he felt a flare of anger. He was angry because, deep down, he wasn’t certain of anything he was defending.

And he was scared. Scared of the secrets. Scared of what might happen.

He wasn’t even sure what else.

He’d seen Julian’s temper. He’d seen Julian’s strength; the quick bursts of speed and power he used to manhandle Cameron. And Cameron didn’t even want to delve into the issue of how used to being in control Julian was. Cameron had never tried to take the reins, but would Julian even allow it if he did? To this point Cameron had never been afraid of Julian. But knowing the little he did now, he had to admit it would be easy to be scared.

Miri met his eyes worriedly. “I know you’re head over heels, Cam,” she said gently. “But can you really handle him?” she asked doubtfully. “I mean...”

Cameron practically sagged in front of her and leaned back against the wall, distraught. What little Julian had told him about what might happen swirled in his mind. He knew, without a doubt, that Julian would never hurt him physically. But mentally? Emotionally?

“I don’t know,” he whispered with a helpless shrug. “But I’m sure as hell going to try.”

Miri sighed softly and shook her head, the corner of her mouth twitching with a slight smile. “You’re in love,” she announced, as if just discovering the fact. “I’m happy for you, Cam. Just don’t get your heart broken, okay?” she requested softly as she turned to go.

Cameron slowly leaned against the wall as Miri walked away, frustration and helplessness swirling around him. He was certainly in love. And he was afraid, the way he’d been feeling lately, that his heart was breaking anyway.

Nearly ten minutes later, the door opened slightly and Miri stuck her head back in. “It’s Tuesday,” she reminded him softly. “He’s here.”

Cameron shuddered. He couldn’t go out there and face Julian tonight. He couldn’t go out there and look Julian in the eye and be able to tell him that he was okay when he really wasn’t. Juliancould see through him like glass. Just last night, he’d been fine. And now...

He tried to pull himself together, rubbing his face with the heels of his hands until his eyes were red from the abuse. He didn’t even notice when someone else entered the workroom a couple of minutes later.

“Cam?”

He looked up to see one of his fellow waiters standing there, looking at him in concern.

“Are you okay?” Charles asked.

Rubbing at his face with his hand again, Cameron shook his head.

“I... I’m just not feeling right,” he stuttered, trying to stall and decide whether to go out and alert Julian to the problem or just hide back here like a coward. He liked the sound of cowardice tonight.

“You don’t look good. Why don’t you go home? I’ll take care of your tables,” Charles offered.

Cameron nodded slowly, mulling it over. “I think I might just do that,” he croaked. “Thanks, Charles.”

Charles frowned worriedly but nodded, then turned to go, closing the door quietly behind him. Cameron took in a shuddering breath.

He knew if he came back at Julian with yet more worries and insecurities so soon after their last discussion, Julian would be irritated.

More than irritated. He could almost see the exasperation that would be on his lover’s face.

He needed to talk to Julian, but he needed to do it when he had all his ducks in a row. Right now, his ducks were all over the fucking pond.

Cameron sat in the workroom for longer than he’d intended. He finally realized that if he didn’t do something soon, either Blake or Julian would find him. He left without speaking to anyone, got his jacket, and fled quietly out the service entrance.

It was late, far later than he’d realized, and he was utterly exhausted. He feared it wouldn’t take but one look at Julian to send him into another fit of uncertainty, and he hated that. Cameron knew Julian didn’t like his insecurities, and he wondered how long his lover would be so understanding of them before he got fed up. He rubbed at his eyes as he walked down the street, not really paying much attention to where he was walking.

“Do I scare you?” Julian’s voice asked out of the darkness of the alley Cameron was passing.

That Cameron actually jumped in fright didn’t help. He stood gasping before he could turn and look for Julian in the shadows.

“Julian?” he hissed. “What the hell kind of question is that to ask out of the dark? You just scared the shit out of me. And how’d you even know I was here?” he demanded.

“It’s what I do. Do I scare you when I’m not lurking in alleyways?” Julian posed seriously as he stepped out into the light, not even bothering to apologize.

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