Page 63 of Warrior's Cross

“And so does he, doesn’t he?” Blake pointed out. “You’ve told him that much. So of course he’s going to get scared. He’snotstupid.”

“I know he’s not stupid,” Julian whispered in a stricken voice. “He’s not... he’s not one of us, just like you said. He’s the kind of man who if you gave him a gun and told him he had two choices—“shoot one of your dogs or shoot yourself in the head”—he’d put the gun to his ear and pull the trigger.”

“Hell, Jules, you’d do the same thing if someone did that to you and your goddamned cats,” Blake said in amusement.

“No,” Julian murmured with a shake of his head. “No, there’s a third option. People like us, we’re third-option people. We take the gun, stuff it in the person’s mouth, and eliminate the problem. Walk off into the sunset with our kitty.”

Blake had to press his lips together tightly in order not to smile or laugh. That was such a Julian thing to say. He wondered if he’d opened up to Cameron enough to let the other man see his odd sense of humor.

“But Cameron,” Julian continued with a wave of his hand for emphasis. “He doesn’t know there’s a third option.” He shook his head and sighed softly.

“So... you love him, partly because he’s never been exposed to that third option,” Blake surmised with a small frown. “But just by being near him, you’re exposing him to it.”

“I love him because he’s him. I don’t want to change him and lose him,” Julian argued.

“Then don’t,” Blake advised with a shrug. “I’ve never seen you truly happy before this past year. It’s him doing it. I don’t know why or how. Hell,youdon’t know how. But love is a funny thing, and when you find it, you have to hold on tight. Tell him what he needs to hear.

Give him what he thinks he wants.”

Julian sighed heavily and closed his eyes. “If I tell him what I am, I’ll lose him,” he said in a hoarse voice.

“I didn’t say tell him the truth,” Blake said. “Tell him what heneedsto hear,” he repeated slowly. “If it’s what it takes to keep you both happy and him safe, do it.”

Julian stared at him for a long moment, nodding slightly. “And hope he never finds out?” he finally asked.

Blake shrugged in answer. “Hope he doesn’t, hope he does... Cameron might surprise you. Or he might kick you to the curb and run like hell. I know him pretty well, but I wouldn’t hazard a guess when it comes to this. It’s pretty serious, you know, if he loves you too.”

Julian grunted unhappily and continued to look at Blake as the firelight warmed the dark room.

Blake smiled slightly and shrugged. “Me, I’d run like hell from you,” he admitted freely.

Julian blinked slowly and a wicked smile began to form on his lips. “That’s because you know I top,” he responded mischievously.

Blake groaned, waved his hands through the air, and stood up, walking away from the fire and his friend. “Way too much information,” he mumbled as he left the room.

Cameron lay on his side on the couch, staring out the window at the night, though he wasn’t really seeing anything. He’d been lazy all day Saturday, and most of today as well, preoccupied with his thoughts of Julian. With his fears and questions and nerves.

With his wants.

Something about Julian made him want to just curl up in his lover’s arms and ignore the unspoken truth, whatever the truth might be, soaking in nothing but the warmth and acceptance and safety.

But he’d made himself face reality the past couple days. He truly knew next to nothing about Julian: Where he lived. What his real job was. If he had family. Why he only stayed one night and one day a week. Where he spent his time away from him. Why they never went out in public. If he were married.

Cameron made himself calm down after working himself into a tizzy. There was no reason to think Julian wasn’t on the up-and-up.

Julian had never tried to sidestep a direct question. He had merely refused to answer some of them. That wasn’t lying.

He’d not actually asked Julian where he lived. Julian admitted to having a dangerous job—one that might be dangerous to Cameron as well—and he’d even hinted that he might leave Cameron rather than see him hurt. He’d never mentioned family or friends, besides Blake.

Julian never offered excuses for why he couldn’t see Cameron more often, and he actually had asked Cameron once if he wanted to go out somewhere. And he didn’t wear a wedding ring.

Then there was Julian himself—tall, dark, mysterious.

Devastatingly handsome and as passionate in bed as he was controlled on the streets. The whole cliché. Dangerous. To others, surely, Julian had as much as told him that. But to Cameron? He didn’t think so.

Julian had never done anything to threaten or scare him, and he had even apologized on the rare occasion when he got rough, despite the fact Cameron had assured him he was enjoying it.

No, he was not afraid of Julian.

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