Page 110 of Warrior's Cross

“When I tipped myself over in that damn chair,” Cameron said, still inspecting the bruises that were just now starting to fade.

Julian reached out with his good hand and slid his fingers gently down Cameron’s arm. “I’m sorry you were hurt,” he murmured.

A frown creased Cameron’s forehead as he watched Julian’s unreadable eyes. “Did you ever plan to really kill him?” he asked curiously.

Julian looked up to meet his eyes and smiled sadly. “Yeah,” he answered. “I’ve been trying to kill him for five years,” he admitted. “There’s a reason I’ve never really succeeded.”

Cameron didn’t understand and couldn’t begin to. He bit his lip and curled his fingers loosely around Julian’s wrist, allowing himself to touch more than he had ever thought he would again. “Blake said you were... together once,” he ventured hesitantly.

Julian’s head jerked slightly, and then he closed his eyes as he shook his head. “No,” he answered softly. “Not like that. I loved that bastard like a brother,” he told Cameron as his voice hardened. “But he got reckless. Put us in danger. I couldn’t have that.”

Cameron released Julian’s hand and began to move, pacing away from the kitchen. “It hurts to lose someone you love,” he whispered as he turned around to look at Julian again.

Julian nodded, turning his head slightly to watch Cameron as he moved. “It hurt more when it was you,” he whispered suddenly.

Cameron stayed quiet for a long moment, warring within himself.

He wanted to wrap around the other man and let himself sink into the comfort of what they had once had. But the mention of Lancaster reminded him that he also wanted answers. “Why did you give me the necklace?” he asked softly. “You said it had meaning to you, but you never told me why.”

Julian flinched and backed away a step, head lowered and eyes closed. “It did have meaning,” he muttered in answer. “It was special to me. It was a symbol of protection, of brotherhood and loyalty. It was a symbol of the only kind of love I knew before you,” he said quickly as he looked up at Cameron sadly. “The only time I could look at it and not remember how angry I’d been was when I saw you wearing it.”

“He betrayed you,” Cameron said softly. He looked up at Julian, his own face pained. “I betrayed you too.”

Julian met his eyes briefly before a shiver ran through him, and his eyes flickered away. He didn’t say anything in response.

Cameron bit his lip. “It’s gone,” he whispered.

“What is?” Julian asked hoarsely as he turned his head again, almost meeting Cameron’s eyes.

“The necklace.”

Julian tilted his head, his brow knitting as he reached out with his good hand and slid his fingers under the collar of Cameron’s shirt.

“Good,” he finally said curtly.

Cameron jerked his chin up in surprise. “Good?”

Julian nodded wordlessly, his jaw set stubbornly. “Good,” he repeated as he reached up and slid his hand along the side of Cameron’s neck, letting his thumb run along the top of Cameron’s collarbone.

“One less thing hanging between us,” he said as he met Cameron’s eyes steadily.

Cameron found himself getting lost in the emotion in those eyes, and he knew if he didn’t back away now he would be lost for good. He took a slight step back, forcing Julian’s hand to slide away.

Julian remained where he was, watching him silently. “Loving each other isn’t enough now, is it?” he asked, his voice flat and lifeless.

When Cameron looked back at Julian, he couldn’t keep the pain out of his eyes. “I’m afraid it’s too much,” he said, voice breaking. “There’s still danger, isn’t there? To both of us. What if I lose you again?”

“Then you’ll hurt again,” Julian answered bluntly. “And finally move on just as you were the first time.”

Cameron swallowed hard on the gorge that rose into his throat. “I don’t want that to happen,” he whispered, looking up into Julian’s eyes.

Julian tipped his head to one side, pursing his lips as he considered his answer. “I lost you before because I lied to you,” he pointed out. “I could tell you nothing would ever happen again, that we’ll always be together and safe, but...” He shrugged helplessly and shook his head.

“You’re the one who said you could be hit by a car on the way to the grocery store.”

Cameron nodded slowly as he closed his arms around Julian’s waist. “I’d rather be scared with you than without you. Being afraid when I knew I could have been with you was terrifying.”

Julian nodded solemnly as he slid his good arm around Cameron’s shoulders and pulled him close. He set his chin on the crown of Cameron’s head as Cameron embraced him. “I’ve found that having someone to watch your back helps you face down the terror,” he said softly.

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