Page 74 of Where Shadows Bloom

I touched a trembling hand to my lips. Where would she go? Back to the manor? No, surely not. Her only memories there were sad and dark or memories ofme—and she’d surely want to distance herself from those, too.

Perhaps she’d travel far, far away. As far away from me as she could.

The reality of it all made my vision list back and forth.I will never see her again.

“Do—do you know where she could have gone?” I asked the librarian.

She shook her head. “I haven’t a clue. I didn’t realize she’d left.” She tilted her head, a question in her eyes—and the beginnings of worry. “Mademoiselle Ofelia, has Lope been gone long?”

Another dead end. I had nothing, no leads at all. I ignored her question, turning to stumble out of the library.

“Mademoiselle! Lady Ofelia, wait—!”

I didn’t. I ran and watched candles flickering in the hallway, their flames warped by my tears.

I could send the king’s soldiers after her. Men and their horses, north, south, east, west, until they found her, and then we—

A treacherous thought occurred to me.

Perhaps Lope did not want to be found. She had longed to see the world. She had longed for a peaceful life. A life awayfrom her wall. Away from Le Château.

A happier life, away from me.

Lope deserved someone sweeter than me, someone kinder than me. Someone who listened to her. Who askedheropinions, who letherweep, who would holdherin her arms.

I dragged myself back down the corridor, gripping the molding of the wall like it was a tether back to my bedroom.

What a wretch I was. How horrid I was.

I loved her. I loved her smile when I’d tell a silly joke, and I loved the way she’d wrinkle her brow as she read a particularly riveting novel. I loved her weathered hands and her gentle voice. I loved how when I spoke, she left a beat of silence after my words, to truly think about what she was going to say. I loved her far more than I loved anything else.

Now all I wanted was for her to be happy. My heart was warring, longing for her presence again... but stronger than that was a painful pull. The desire to know that she was going somewhere sunlit and safe. That she’d find happiness. I wanted that even more than I wanted her hand in mine.

Let her be happy, I prayed,though I never will be again.

The rest of the day moved in a messy blur, like a streak of paint upon a canvas. Though I’d already slept, after the argument, and after the loss of the girl that I loved, I crawled back into bed, wrapping myself in darkness and warmth.

My ladies-in-waiting found me eventually and insisted insoft tones that Imustattend the ball tonight. At some point I must have acquiesced. In a long, slow blink, I was sitting on a throne again in a deep blue gown. Little crystal beads were sewn throughout, making it look like I was wearing the night itself.

The sound of the orchestra was muffled. The colors of the beautiful courtly costumes had faded. I stared with dead eyes, a crystal goblet of wine clasped in my hands. Even when I drank, I felt nothing.

“My dear?”

The voice in my ear made me jolt in my hard-backed chair, like I’d been woken from a dream. By the gods’ mercy, I hadn’t spilled my drink.

Beside me, the king smiled, almost sympathetically. “You seem distant,” he said, soft enough for no one else to hear. “Are you unhappy?”

How plainly I wore my heartache. I sighed and set aside the tasteless wine. “I dismissed Lope from the court.”

The king batted a hand through the air. “Then trouble yourself with her no longer! Your future is brighter without her.”

I flinched and drew back into my chair, looking at him out of the corner of my eyes. Lope had claimed that he was responsible for the creation of monsters. For a bargain with the Shadow King. For the disappearance of several women. Perhaps even my mother.

Had he loved Mother? Or when she had left, had he so uncaringly rejoiced in the wake of her departure, too?

After he beckoned someone close, he reached for my hand. I gave it, but his skin was ice-cold.

Françoise and Mother, they’d both been close to the king. And now I was there, in his grasp, the daughter he so quickly declared that he loved.

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