Page 60 of Flowerheart

His fingers wove with mine. His cheeks had gone bright pink as rose petals. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m rubbish at hiding my feelings. I should have said something sooner. I—I care for you, too.” Xavier laughed, a huff of quiet breath. “Since the very first day I met you. I have loved you for some time now.”

In an instant, the fire in my blood turned to ice.

I certainly hadn’t expectedthat.Deep down, I’d hoped for it; I’d wanted it even before I had words for it.

“Do you mean that?” I asked. All the breath seemed trapped in my lungs.

He clenched my hand tighter. “Sometimes, I feel like I’m just... flesh and bone and fear. But these past few days have reminded me how I used to feel. When I was with you. You make me feel brave.”

Did I love him?

I cared for him, yes. And my heart skipped foolishly whenI looked at him too long. But I could say the same of several people I’d been fond of, growing up in Williamston. Xavier had been a friend I could rely on for almost twelve years, then a ghost, and now someone new altogether. Sometimes I saw glimpses of that boy I’d liked so much. His laughter. His selflessness. His shyness. At the same time, he’d very clearly built a wall around himself, a mountain-high fortress of secrets. He loved me, he said, but he still wanted my magic.

Slowly, I drew my hand into my lap. Some of the light seemed to leave his eyes, and my heart thrummed with pain.

“I can’t love someone I do not trust,” I whispered. Tears burned my eyes. “Please, Xavier. Just... tell me why. Why did you make Euphoria?”

All the color drained from his face. “What?”

“I know it’s the truth. I—I saw your recipe.”

He leapt to his feet, striding into the kitchen. He made for the locked drawer and looked from it to me. “I locked it away. Did you break into my things?”

“You weren’t speaking to me! I asked again and again, and you weremiserable—”

“I—I wanted to tell you. I was going to tell you. In my own time,Clara—”

“Why?” My voice broke in two. “We both saw Emily yesterday. This potion is so horrid. So wicked. How could you have made something like that?”

Xavier stepped back into the foyer. His lovely eyes, darkas mahogany, glistened. “Is that what this little tea party was for? To... to interrogate me?”

“Answer me.” There was no bite to my words. I felt hollow and frail as a dried, discarded chrysalis.

“There was no cure for melancholy,” he said. “My sister is afflicted by it; she needed help. I was prideful and foolish to think I could fix things by myself, but all I wanted to do was help.”

“Are you distributing it?” I whispered.

“Curse me, no! I didn’t mean for any of this,” he said. “I tested it first; I gave it to a few willing patients, but the side effects were... dreadful. I told my father at once about what I’d done. He did what he had to. He informed the Council of what had happened.”

“I... I don’t understand. How did it spread, if you told your father about it?”

“Someone came to me claiming to be a test subject. I gave him a potion, and he gave me a false name. He was able to reproduce the potion and spread it. The Council still doesn’t know who was truly responsible, but it doesn’t matter now. Illicit covens have been distributing it all over. The Council wanted to punish me by taking away my powers. My father advocated for me, and they reached a compromise with a binding spell.”

The pity I’d felt for his poor health turned to sickening disappointment. He was a criminal. His weakened powerswere his punishment. “You said it was because you were likeme! That your magic was too strong—”

“I—I only conceded that it gave me trouble.”

“It gaveotherpeople trouble!” I snapped. “You were rightfully punished, and still you wanted my power?!”

“The Council said they’d return my powers to me by Midsummer, if I was the first to make the cure as promised. They kept my powers limited, fearful that I could create something dangerous again, even if it made finding the cure all the more difficult. And I feared I wouldn’t succeed. I feared I’d lose my magic forever, and then I could help no one. The vow I made to you was a contingency plan. And you—it was clear your magic was ailing you. When the Council spoke of your wild power, I thought I could shoulder that burden instead. I could harness that power and... perhaps I could make up for what I’d done.”

If I succeeded in healing my father, I’d lose my magic forever. I was starting to understand my power better. Starting to hate it less and less.Ihad the potential to use it for good; my dream hadalwaysbeen to help people. And Xavier had wanted to take this future from me.

“Youbroke the Council’s laws,” I hissed. “You earned that punishment. It is only by the mercy of the Council you have any magic at all.” My heart was shattering, breaking into painful splinters inside of me. “How can I believe you? How can you say that you love me? Madam Ben Ammarwas right, you just wanted to use me—”

“Clara—”

“Did you even care whether or not my father was healed?”

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