Page 83 of Malice

“Fuck,” I whimper, unable to say much else.

Aster keeps his hands on my hips, gently holding me in place and letting me truly let go. By the time the tension in my core is almost too much to handle, I’m bucking wildly. My balls draw up, and when I reach down to stroke myself, it takes less than three before my cock explodes in a fountain of cum.

I cry out Aster’s name, but he swallows it with a heated kiss as he wraps his arms around me and pulls me down to him. He slams his hips up to thrust inside me, hitting me at the perfect angle until I’m nothing but a boneless mess. My cock rallies, pulsing a second time, and I shout Aster’s name once more.

Aster’s grip around me tightens and he tenses, slamming into me with a few final thrusts as his cock pulses, stretching me just a little bit more until he exhales slowly, slightly releasing his grip on me, but making no other attempt to let me go.

We breathe heavily together, in perfect rhythm, and as much as I wish I could just enjoy the afterglow, my mind is a storm of chaos. How the fuck will I move on after Aster? I’ve never been fucked so well or felt so safe and desired during. High bar to set for a temporary lover.

My eyes well with tears, but it isn’t sadness I feel. It’s a hint of frustration that I know this won’t last, but mostly, it’s fucking pride. I did it. I finally moved on. Chester isn’t the last guy anymore. He was never worthy of me, but Aster is. He so is.

It takes me a few seconds to realize I’m trembling and Aster is rubbing my back, comforting me with soft whispers that I’m safe and it’s okay to let it out, and how honored he is to be with me.

The tears finally roll down my face, held in for far too long while I tried to ignore the pain and loneliness I’ve dealt with the past sixteen months. I bury my face in the crook of Aster’s neck, accepting his comforting touch, and for once, I’m not at all embarrassed by the assault of emotions I can’t contain any longer.

After a few minutes of crying, I lift my head to look down at the man saving my life as we speak. He brushes my tears away with his thumbs, gazing up at me like I hung the fucking moon.

“You’re so beautiful, Hudson,” he whispers. “I’ve never seen anything as pretty as you. Not a piece of art or exquisitely written prose or even a breathtaking sunset. Nothing compares to you.”

Another wave of emotion bubbles up, but this time I laugh instead of crying. “Your words are medicine. Your touch is a salve for my wounded soul. You have no idea what you just did for me.”

“I have a little idea.” He raises his head enough to kiss me. “I felt it. Felt… you. It was powerful.”

“It felt like that for you too?”

Aster nods. “You’re special, Hudson. I want to hate that no one saw it before and you were hurt so much, but I kind of can’t because I get to be the one to see it now. I can never hate that, no matter how we came together.”

“I was drowning, Aster. Drowning. And you showed up with a lifeline and dragged me into the boat. You see things in me that no one ever has. This was about more than sex for me.”

“I know.” His brow creases, and I brace myself for what he’s about to say, choosing to cut him off instead.

“You don’t have to say it back. I don’t need untrue words. Don’t lie to make me feel good.”

“I wasn’t going to. What I wanted to say is…” He shakes his head as if he’s hearing something I can’t. “I wanted this to be just sex between us. It’s easier that way. My life is complicated now.”

I nod, aware of the blossoming hope in my chest. “But?”

“But there’s no way. I…” He bites his bottom lip, clearly holding back.

“What is it, Aster? You can tell me anything.”

He shudders under me, sliding his hands down my back as he exhales slowly. “I have to be careful with the things I say. They have a different weight than what you’re used to.”

“What does that mean?”

Swallowing hard, he reaches up to brush his fingers across my cheek. “It means you can trust me. I won’t say things I don’t mean. I can but I won’t. Not to you.”

“Are you holding something back?”

He nods. “It’s for your own good. Just for now. We should deal with the issue we have first.”

“I’m scared of that,” I admit. “I’m scared that as soon as you get rid of the Horror you’ll leave. Fuck. I can’t believe I just said that out loud. After I promised not to be weird or clingy.”

“You’re neither of those things.” He puts his hand over my heart. “I feel you, Hudson. Inside. I hope you feel me too. I’ve never been in a situation like this, and I want to be careful. I want to do things right because if I fuck up…” He releases a shaky breath. “It’s bad. For both of us.”

“I know.”

“Can you try to trust me a little longer? I meant what I said earlier. Everything I do is for you. Everything.”

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